Vendor Etiquette: Communication and Respect

Kristina Stubblefield: [00:00:00] Thank you for tuning in to The Ring The Bling And All The Things. Sharon might be laughing just a little bit, but today we are tackling a serious topic 

Sharon Rumsey: very serious 

Kristina Stubblefield: one that I think needs to have a light shine on it, and that is vendor etiquette. 

Michael Gaddie: I don't think people realize really how important this is, honestly.

Sharon Rumsey: It actually is. We talk all the time about how the wedding business is a relationship based business, and how we work on having those strong bonds with our clients and good relationships with our clients. But I think we don't ever talk about how that relationship goes both ways. 

Kristina Stubblefield: I think you're exactly right and I think it actually can make the whole planning process for you more smooth.

If you think about some of these things along the way, and we talk a lot about communication. It's the key to a lot [00:01:00] of things, whether you have a wedding planner or not. I think this is something that the respect with the communication, I know phones have changed our lives a lot for the better.

But one of the things that I hear, because I work a lot with wedding professionals, Is keeping up with the lines of communication, because now let's go through it. You can message in Facebook, you can DM in Instagram, you can message in LinkedIn, you can do something in Pinterest, you can do something in Twitter. You can email, text, phone calls, WhatsApp.

I mean, there's a whole nother five or 10. And what it comes down to, especially I think for wedding planners as well as other vendors is trying to keep your information regarding each event accounted for together in one place. And it's tough when you're in the grocery store and your phone rings and a client has a question [00:02:00] and you're trying to be helpful and answer their question, but then they need something from you.

If that would have been an email communication. And I wanna start off with this communication piece beacause I feel like that's a big part of vendor etiquette. They're trying to do the best for your event, and if they ask you to communicate in a certain way, it's not to be like, oh, I don't care about the ways you want to communicate.

They're trying to keep your shit straight for your event. There is no other way to say it. 

Sharon Rumsey: I actually have struggled a lot with texting because on one hand I get it, text messages are quick, my phone's in my hand, I've thought of this, let me shoot this text message off, but we'll go back to your grocery store example.

If I'm in the grocery store and I get a text that says, Hey Sharon, I've decided to change A to B, I have to go home. And then hours later when I'm [00:03:00] in the office, remember that I got that text message 

Kristina Stubblefield: and that can sound super simple 

Sharon Rumsey: but it's not when you've got 20 weddings in your head.

Michael Gaddie: Well, it's not simple. I mean, it is simple for them, but when it comes to us, it's putting us up for failure, honestly. Because if I do not follow through with that text, and I'm like you said, I may be in the grocery store, I may be at home. 

Sharon Rumsey: Right. 

Michael Gaddie: It doesn't matter. And I don't work on my stuff unless I'm at home.

Kristina Stubblefield: Well, you don't work on it 24/7 

Michael Gaddie: Exactly, and really the works that I have seen here lately, I have brides text me on Sunday. I don't even open them. To be honest, I'm not being disrespectful. It's just that I don't open them because when I open them, then I'll lose them. You know how it's not highlighted anymore. 

Sharon Rumsey: Right

Michael Gaddie: so I don't even open them until Monday morning. But I think that's a negative because I did not reply to it. But I think out of respect you should not text on sunday. 

Sharon Rumsey: I do ask that my [00:04:00] clients and like you and I have talked about, I think all of us are trying to do, I'm trying really hard to have some type of work life balance, and that's hard for me because when I say all in wedding planner, I want to be there.

I want to be all in, but I also want to know that my clients are getting 110% of my very best. And if I keep draining the tank and draining the tank, I can't ever have time to be with my family or to refill then I'm not going to be good for anyone, clients, home, anything. So I've really tried to set some boundaries and ask that I only be texted in a true emergency or the week of your wedding.

If it's the week of your wedding and something needs to be handled urgently, then of course text me and we'll get it taken care of, but it's been really hard for me, myself personally. I'm not blaming anyone [00:05:00] else to set and keep boundaries with communication. 

Michael Gaddie: Well, it's really hard for me when, and I'll be honest with you, I don't have a lot of, I would rather be communicated by email.

Sharon Rumsey: Yes. 

Michael Gaddie: That's the best form because you've got a paper trail on everything. 

Sharon Rumsey: If I'm in my email, I'm in my office. 

Michael Gaddie: Yeah. 

Sharon Rumsey: So I can act on whatever 

Michael Gaddie: and I don't feel like a text is a paper. Especially, and I'm not downing their special day and I want to give them 110% 

Sharon Rumsey: right 

Michael Gaddie: of my very best. But what I'm dealing with, and I'm not exaggerating, I've got like 210 weddings on the books right now, and I may get a text from somebody. I may even get an email from somebody that says. "Hey, I need to add four center pieces to my wedding" they don't sign it, they don't put their wedding date or nothing.

And it's like, I understand that you're in this bubble. I'm not being negative when I say this. You are in this bubble and I know that we are working for you. 

Sharon Rumsey: Your [00:06:00] day

Michael Gaddie: your day, but you've got to give us information. You've got to give us time. You've got to think that you're not the only person that I'm dealing with. And I want to say that very nicely because I mean that very nicely. But it's something I don't think people think about. 

Sharon Rumsey: I think there's a real struggle now too, for wedding professionals is, a lot of my Google reviews or any kind of review that I get compliments me on being so responsive.

I'm afraid I'm gonna lose that, if I don't answer your text message right now, if I don't take care of your problem right now, but like you just said, in order to have a successful business and take care of my family, I can't have just one client. So I really struggle a lot with, Hey, I just have a quick question, but it might be Sunday morning.

I might be at church, it might be eight o'clock at night, and it's the first time I've seen my husband all week. So [00:07:00] I prefer email. 

Kristina Stubblefield: So as somebody who I said works with wedding professionals, this is a very hot topic. And you know, for our listeners that don't know a role, a lot of times I play with wedding professionals and other businesses is helping streamline our simplifying workflows and communication as part of that.

And I'll share with people a lot of times the email component of that is connected to some type of business system that helps a business owner wedding professional track conversations, keep everything all in one, like an electronic filing system for each event. And one of the biggest hoops to jump through is helping navigate through adjusting your communication style with clients who have been used to phone calls text messages, emails, social media messages to [00:08:00] say I need it to come through email. In the whole grand scheme of things, when I work with wedding professionals, is the number one thing that they have, first and foremost, is not their business.

It's taking care of their clients, it's not, well, this is better for my business. No, I wanna streamline this and simplify this. 

Sharon Rumsey: It's a service based business. It's, yeah, you want that relationship. 

Kristina Stubblefield: And I'm a strong believer in boundaries. A hundred percent. And that is something that you are in a bubble, and no one is all trying to take away that bubble of that couple of that special day.

Because wedding professionals truly treat it like that's their only client. When it comes down to it, they do but respecting your vendors, looking at their email signature to see if they have office hours, if you need to talk, to them to read your contract or your welcome packet. I think that's what you [00:09:00] refer to it as.

What is the preferred method of communication, like you just mentioned? Because all these professionals, and I've worked with a lot of them. First and foremost, their client experience, their client journey is of utmost important, first and foremost before any of their business stuff. And I think that's really important to share with these engaged couples is it's not just a Oh, I need you to email me.

A lot of times I think some of that can come off a little short and it doesn't, it's not meant like that. 

Sharon Rumsey: I don't think, honestly, it's the client's fault. I think we are dropping the ball because, you know, I just probably in the last year created a welcome packet that says, I will try to answer email within 24 hours.

These are the days in which I will answer email. If you email me on a weekend, I'm probably at an event because I realized I, I was getting upset and overwhelmed, but I wasn't telling them [00:10:00] how to communicate with me. 

Kristina Stubblefield: You were doing that to yourself in your own mind

Sharon Rumsey: right! 

Kristina Stubblefield: Allowing, oh my gosh, they emailed or they texted. It's been two hours 

Sharon Rumsey: and honestly it's not even about me being bothered or it not being a convenient time. I'm terrified I'm gonna make a mistake. 

Michael Gaddie: That's my thing. 

Sharon Rumsey: Yeah. I'm gonna 

Kristina Stubblefield: and that is a sucky place to work from. 

Sharon Rumsey: Yeah. 

Kristina Stubblefield: To be honest with you, it is. And I think too, Sharon is you are right. There is some responsibility on the wedding professionals to set the expectations from the beginning, upfront. This is it. And go into detail if you want to explain why look, I'll use an all in one business. I like all my communication to be there so I can refer back. There is nothing wrong with that, but I think that's the missing piece sometimes is conveying the expectations to the couple that you're working with. 

Michael Gaddie: That's my biggest part is trying or getting it across to my clients. 

Kristina Stubblefield: So I know we're talking about communication and I feel like that is a hot topic, [00:11:00] but I really wanna go into some more stuff here because, when things come up or there's frustrations or things like that.

So many times, and Mike's adjusting too, cuz he is like, oh my God, what are you getting ready to say? Be respectful. Wedding professionals do what they do because they love it. 

It's a lot of work. You can be frustrated, you can be upset, but really respecting the boundaries and not cussing out a vendor because something didn't go your way or something happened.

They are there to provide a service to you and to do their very best. No one, a professional wedding vendor sets out to be like, huh, I'm gonna jack this up. Absolutely not. And that to me is so important is we're being respectful along the way of planning the day of because[00:12:00] they're doing probably anything and everything they can and some things are completely out of control , you're looking at me a little perplexed. Am I not saying something correct? 

Michael Gaddie: No, you're saying it all correct. It's just 

Kristina Stubblefield: Is it are you watching to make sure, how hard am I gonna be on this?

Michael Gaddie: Yes. 

Kristina Stubblefield: How am I gonna deliver? And it is an issue to start because someone listens to me like, damn, like Kristina's saying like, really don't get upset with my wedding cleaner or my wedding vendors. Absolutely not. But there is a way to be upset and convey your message without crossing the disrespectful way. Is that good?

Sharon Rumsey: I do get what you're saying. I've been really, really blessed that I've never, ever had, I've never been cussed out by a bride, I've never been. I think part of the job is you have to accept that there's going to be some wedding day stress. As a wedding planner, my job is to diffuse that and try to keep that at a simmer and not a boil, but there will [00:13:00] be some stress. However, I will give an example, I hope they're not listening. I had an initial consultation with a prospective client and her mom. And the mom, it was going pretty well and then she said, "I just want you to know I'm going to be stressed out, I'm going to cuss you out. I'm probably gonna cuss out everybody that works the wedding that day if my daughter's wedding's not flawless, somebody's head's gonna roll." 

Kristina Stubblefield: Okay, where's the red flag? 

Sharon Rumsey: That's a quote. And I've said, "you're welcome for your coffee that I purchased you, we're not a good fit because I'm not tolerating that. I'm a professional and I work my butt off for my clients, and that's what we're not going to do. And we're not going to treat anyone on my team poorly." I felt like she was saying, because it's my wedding day. 

Kristina Stubblefield: I get to do it. 

Sharon Rumsey: I have permission to be [00:14:00] abusive. 

Michael Gaddie: Well, and I've got a sample too. Yeah it's been a while, I had a bride and her mom come in and sit down at my table and the mom's first words were, "I just want you to know she's a bridezilla and I'm a Bridezilla mom"

Sharon Rumsey: Peace out.

Michael Gaddie: Just wanted me to know right up front, and I was very nice, and I turned around and says, "well I just want you to know ,I don't deal with Bridezillas at all." Moms, brides, grooms, whatever. I said, "I take my job too serious, and you're gonna get my 100% working on your wedding. But if you've already got that attitude, we've got a problem already." And I agree with you, my life is too short and too busy to have to deal with someone like that.

Sharon Rumsey: I honestly think people are what's it called, shooting their own foot when they act that way. If you want a professional wedding vendor, that has invested in their business, their education, their experience. If you want someone working at that level, [00:15:00] no one at that level is going to put up with your shit.

Kristina Stubblefield: Can I just say something? I love how delicately we are maneuvering through this conversation. 

Sharon Rumsey: Well, I'm just saying cause I'm not doing it. 

Kristina Stubblefield: No. I can see in your all's eyes, like you're kind of stepping to be like, okay, I'm gonna say this but I think this is a conversation to have.

There are wedding professionals, and I'm not knocking it, let me be clear about this. Putting in their contracts about situations, their team contract, their team themselves being put in situations now, and I think this is not just about communication or other things, but being put in situations at events that they're not gonna tolerate and they have the right to bow out.

Michael Gaddie: Well, let me say this. Yes, that family is hiring us to do a job for them and we're going to do it. I don't plan to mess [00:16:00] anything up. 

Sharon Rumsey: Absolutely not 

Michael Gaddie: I don't plan to be late. I don't plan to do anything that should not happen. But when it comes down to the detail of each wedding in itself, if you're nice to us, we're gonna be nice to you. And if we get along better and become close like a family, I'm going to give you more. 

Sharon Rumsey: 100% I agree with that. 

Michael Gaddie: I am going to go above and beyond to make sure that, oh, let's give her extra here. Let's do this. Adding more to the It makes me want to do better for you 

Kristina Stubblefield: to go that extra mile.

Michael Gaddie: To go that extra mile. But if you're, if you're an ass about it, you're going to be get down to a penny that you're getting exactly this and you're not getting one extra thing. And we don't want to be like that.

Kristina Stubblefield: I've never seen Michael Gaddy like that.

Michael Gaddie: But it's a truth. 

Kristina Stubblefield: And it is. 

Sharon Rumsey: I work so long with my clients, usually 18 months, 12 months with my clients. We get really close. I mean, I know your [00:17:00] grandma's name and I know what cousin Jenny's allergic to and all of it, so I really, that's the part about my, it's the truth.

That's the part about my job I love the most, so I don't want that messed up. 

Kristina Stubblefield: Okay, so let me put this out there. I feel like a lot of this comes up when it's not professional wedding vendors and then it somehow carries over to Uncle Buck was gonna be as my dj, and he showed up and has stuffed it.

It carries over that, that somehow is carried into other vendors. So I say this, we preach a lot in our education, pushes people to realize about using professional wedding vendors. And I'm going to give an example. You don't plan to be late. You don't plan for this, you don't plan for that. And Sharon plans out everything to a tee, but we're [00:18:00] not gonna talk about that in this episode.

Okay? However, let's Hello, life. Hello accidents on the road. That kind of messes up little timelines and things like that. Everyone is on the same team, working towards the same goal, go a great day full of nothing but wonderful memories. There are going to be things that come up. The thing I always tell people is when you have professionals that this is what they do day in and day out, they're gonna handle it. And like Sharon says, most of the time you never know. Never know anything went on. 

Sharon Rumsey: You know, it's just basic human 

Kristina Stubblefield: respect. 

Sharon Rumsey: Respect. I'll give a perfect example. I had a client meeting this last week and my mother-in-law fell and was taken to the emergency room. I texted my client and I said, "I'm so sorry, I never [00:19:00] do this. I have to cancel our meeting. My mother-in-law fell' The client messaged me back and said, "I absolutely understand, please take care of your family. We're thinking about you were going to say a prayer" the next day that client messaged me to see how my mother-in-law was, and if I needed anything, I now by God, she will have the best wedding because we care about each other. She treated me like a person. She could have complained and said, I took a half day off work for this meeting, now you're wasting my time. But she treated me like a person and I appreciate that. And that meant more to me than, I give 110% to everybody, but I wish people knew how much meant when your clients show you that they care about you as a person 

Kristina Stubblefield: when you're treated like a human being

Sharon Rumsey: I will never forget her kindness on that day. 

Michael Gaddie: Something else, I'm not talking [00:20:00] about me personally because I've been doing this for a long time and I've got tons and tons and tons. I've got cabinets full of thank you cards for over the last 30 years. 

Sharon Rumsey: Oh my gosh. I keep everyone 

Michael Gaddie: and that means a lot to me, like we've said in the past, we work with these people for over a year. Sometimes you talk to them once or twice a week, then the day comes you just spill your guts out. You're spilling my talent out to you and make this day beautiful. And then after you walked down the aisle, your history, I never see him again. 

Sharon Rumsey: It hurts my heart, 

Michael Gaddie: Me personally, I think it is very etiquette for people to send a thank you card. I'm not asking for a tip. I'm not asking for a gift.

Sharon Rumsey: Just acknowledge that. 

Michael Gaddie: Just acknowledge thank you for making my day what I wanted it to be. 

Kristina Stubblefield: And appreciation. 

Michael Gaddie: And appreciation. And not saying that I don't get that because I do get it a lot, but [00:21:00] there's been a few over the years that I have really worked hard for and we've become really close friends.

Kristina Stubblefield: And nothing. 

Michael Gaddie: And I've never talked to them since then, I'm thinking that's hurtful. 

Kristina Stubblefield: Well, let me share this though. You also have other events throughout the year in your store because of what you do. I've seen those faces that you've done their events. 

Michael Gaddie: Yes. 

Kristina Stubblefield: And they've come back to support your business.

Michael Gaddie: Yes. 

Kristina Stubblefield: So on this other side of that coin, I've seen that, and we could talk about this all day long, but one of the things as we close this out that I'd like to mention, and I think we've talked about this before, there's going to be times that things come up and there may need to be something addressed after an event quite possibly can happen, especially the number of events and weddings that you all see.

There is a way to do it. There is a way to sit down, have a conversation, find out what happened, and have that discuss. There's nothing wrong with that, [00:22:00] if something happened at your event, there is nothing wrong. And Sharon, as a wedding planner, I hope that's something that you haven't had to do a lot, but I think you would encourage people that if something came up and it was not met, what was in their contract, that it's okay to have a follow up and have a conversation after the event.

Sharon Rumsey: It's not just okay, it's necessary. My hairstylist, who is probably one of the most stable relationships in my life, I've gone to her for like 12 years, but she has a sign that I love on her counter, and it says, "if you have a problem, please tell me, if you have a great experience, please tell the world"

Michael Gaddie: I love it 

Sharon Rumsey: because I would so much rather one of my clients tell me, and knowing me and the [00:23:00] way I feel about my clients and my business, if I did something wrong, I promise you it won't happen a second time. 

Michael Gaddie: Well, and the thing is, is we're going to use that as a learning experience 

Sharon Rumsey: right 

Michael Gaddie: We learn, sometimes we do not see, we do the same things over and over and over. Sometimes somebody has not brought it to our attention of you "know what, this happened" well, if I didn't know it happened, I can't fix it. 

Sharon Rumsey: But if you hug me at the end of the night and say, thank you, and I put you in a car, and then I find out that you're bashing me on social media, or you leave a bad review, but I never had an opportunity to address it.

It's not happened to me. Thank you, Jesus! But you know, my heart would be broke, like give me a chance. 

Kristina Stubblefield: And if you have a wedding planner, I would feel like even after the event's over, if there was a situation that happened with a vendor or something like that, they're probably in their contract going to be that liaison, that partner with you to go have that sit down meeting or [00:24:00] have that phone call.

Sharon Rumsey: If a client came to me with a concern about another vendor, not me, or I noticed a concern out of respect for that business professional I would address it and have the conversation. It's a fine line as a wedding planner though because the client and each vendor have a contract between the two of them.

I am not part of that contract. Now, I might help you find your vendors and I might help you look at your contract and fine tune your contract, but at the end of the day, each different vendor has an agreement with that client, not with me. And their responsibility is to the client. It's not to me, and I think, but I would try to mediate that if I could.

Kristina Stubblefield: That's the thing about etiquette. We're not just talking about upfront, we're talking about upfront throughout the event and then into after the event. The etiquette is discussed across the board. 

Michael Gaddie: Social media, you said something about social media, Facebook, [00:25:00] Instagram, or anything that, I don't think that's a place to down a business. 

Sharon Rumsey: Right 

Michael Gaddie: Let them talk to you. Talk to them and work that out. See if you can resolve that solution and not spill it out to the world. I don't think that's a place to do that. 

Kristina Stubblefield: That goes back to respect to me. 

Michael Gaddie: Yes 

Kristina Stubblefield: Have the common courtesy to have a conversation. Phone, email, in-person, meeting something, some kind of conversation. And so many times I feel people latch on and just boom, do a post on Facebook. I don't know

Michael Gaddie: without thinking about it

Kristina Stubblefield: And then it is, oh, maybe I shouldn't have, you can't take that back. Like, you literally cannot take that back. So that's why I want to mention this as part of etiquette, because we're not sitting here sharing with people every event is perfect and it, it goes off flawlessly and there's nothing that happens behind the scenes. Awesome. 

Sharon Rumsey: We've talked a lot about things not to do, but I've had some experiences with my clients that made me [00:26:00] feel so super appreciated and so like they were grateful.

And I'm having clients now where I did a sister's wedding or a brother's wedding and the family's coming back to me or they want me to plan a baby shower that means the world to me. I think we should address some things you can do to make your vendors feel appreciated.

I know one of the things that I hear vendors at every wedding talk about is providing them, if they're there with you all day, provide them a meal and not a bologna sandwich. Provide them a hot meal, usually the same meal that you're serving your guests. It's happened.

Kristina Stubblefield: I'm sitting here thinking about when we started this episode to where we are now and Mike's laughing, 

Michael Gaddie: I'm thinking of that bologna sandwich 

Sharon Rumsey: That happened. I thought a band was not going to go back on the stage one night because when we went to get the vendor meals, it was like when you went on a field trip in elementary [00:27:00] school 

Kristina Stubblefield: brown bag? 

Sharon Rumsey: A sandwich, and apple and a cookie, and a can of soda.

Kristina Stubblefield: Was it a brown bag?

Sharon Rumsey: And the band, I thought, I mean, I had to be really extra nice. I got a bologna sandwich too!

Kristina Stubblefield: Back to the serious point, when we started this episode and now coming to the end, I'm sitting here thinking back about what we've just talked about. This is pretty damn powerful, like seriously, although we make lighthearted comments and and laugh along the way, respect is a two-lane street. 

Michael Gaddie: It is. 

Sharon Rumsey: There are some things I want to end on a positive note. I think providing them a meal, if you're having a plated meal, get all your vendors chicken, I don't care, but a hot meal for those people that are with you all the day, all day. Another thing that I learned to do on my floor diagrams is I always do a vendor table. So your vendors have a home base to put their binder. The photographer can put their camera bag, some someplace where they [00:28:00] can sit down, get off their feet and eat their meal comfortably. Plus, I always want visual with my bride and groom, so don't put me in a back room somewhere where I can't see that they need me.

I want to be where I can see my bride and groom all the time. I think, like Mike said, a thank you note afterwards. All I want at the end of an 18 hour wedding day, all I really need to go home and go to bed and feel good is for you to give me a hug and tell me it was everything you imagined. That's, that's all I need.

I get asked all the time, how much do we tip each person? That's great I appreciate a tip so much, I worked my butt off. But at the end of the day, what I really need is you to tell me it was good and for you to support my business in the future, leave me a good review. Send your friends to me. 

Kristina Stubblefield: There's no better thank you, in my opinion, than a referral.

Sharon Rumsey: Yes. 

Kristina Stubblefield: A mention. They don't even have to book, they don't even have to use your service. [00:29:00] Just the thought that they cared enough to send a potential person. 

Sharon Rumsey: I'm still so old school that when a client refers someone, a past client refers someone to me, I still Google their address out of aisle planner and I write them a handwritten thank you note for the referral because it means that much to me.

Kristina Stubblefield: What a great way to end this. And I know we can go down so many different roads with this. Honestly, this is just the tip of the 

Sharon Rumsey: A golden rule. Treat people like you wanna be treated 

Kristina Stubblefield: treat people like you want to be treated. Amen to that. All right, thank you so much for tuning in, love to hear your feedback, especially on this topic.

Maybe there's some things that we are not thinking of share with us. It's an open door policy. We make it super easy, go to the website. You can record a message by clicking the microphone. You don't even have to type if you don't want to or if you prefer to type to just fill out the contact form. We read all of those.

We pay attention to that, and it means a lot to us to [00:30:00] hear people's feedback. Maybe there's something we're not thinking of. All right. Until next time everyone see ya!

Michael Gaddie: No wait! We want you to give us a five star glowing review. 

Sharon Rumsey: A five star glowing review 

Kristina Stubblefield: five star glowing review.