Tips For Toasts

Sharon Rumsey  0:00  
Hey, I think I heard a cork pop.

Michael Gaddie  0:03  
Being asked to give a toast at a wedding is a huge compliment, but also quite the responsibility. Make sure you're ready by listening to this episode where we share all of our best tips and tricks.

Kristina Stubblefield  0:16  
Clink Clink, everybody grab a drink. 

You got engaged. Congratulations. Happy. Yes, joyful time. Of course. Now what? timelines to do lists and checklists. 100% Don't worry, you're in the right place. Welcome to The Ring The Bling And All The Things. Hi, I'm Kristina Stubblefield, one of your hosts, along with my two good friends, Michael Gaddie and Sharon Rumsey. We have over 50 years of wedding industry experience between us. We have seen it, heard it, done it and found a way around it. We are here to get you from down on one knee to down the aisle. Our podcast will cover everything from you saying yes to the I do's and all that happens in between. So buckle up and enjoy the journey. Now let's get started with this episode.

Okay, this episode Sharon has been wanting to talk about for quite a while. But Mike before she takes over, we're going to be talking about all things toast.

Michael Gaddie  1:39  
And this is one of the most important things especially when it comes to the maid of honor and the best man because we have seen some crazy things out there. And Sharon's got the perfect tips for to

Kristina Stubblefield  1:53  
Karen, are you ready to take it away?

Sharon Rumsey  1:55  
I am so ready. This is something I have been wanting to talk about for quite some time. Wedding toast, I have quite a few tips for those, like Mike said, and just some things that you know, you shouldn't shouldn't do. The first thing is I, I know that young people today they live and breathe by their phones, we love our phones. But please do not write your toast on your phone. Because if your toast is on your phone, and you get it, you get up to give your toast and you're holding that phone, the light from your phone will definitely affect the pictures and it will not be in a good way. Photographers absolutely hate that. The other thing I have seen happen is when you use your phone, you know, say you're the maid of honor, you've been there since 7am getting hair and makeup done, your phone dies. So your whole speech is on your phone and your phone is dead. That's definitely one thing is let's let's go ahead and go old school and put the toast on a piece of paper. You can type it out, you can write it out doesn't matter. The other thing, I'm sorry, Kristina, go ahead,

Kristina Stubblefield  3:17  
we'll share it all I was gonna say is if you don't think for a second, that the light on your phone will cause you some problems, go out and do a Google search, or go to wherever you want to look something up. And you can see how many photographers have shown these excellent photos by the light reflecting off of a person on their toast. And like you said, that's one of the most important parts of the of the event itself. You want those photos to cherish for a lifetime. So that's all I wanted to add to what you said,

Michael Gaddie  3:52  
Well, on on top of that, too. I mean, you know, in photographs, I mean, it's going to look like that they're standing there on their phone, specially in photographs. I mean, it's like they're ignoring you. But really even though you're the center of attention at that moment. pitchers don't show that video we understand but photography. No,

Sharon Rumsey  4:13  
that's true.

Kristina Stubblefield  4:14  
Well, the other thing, sorry, Sharon. The other thing too, Mike, when you mention that, I'm sorry, like I love technology, but in my opinion, there's a place for it. And when you're giving a toast, you've been selected that day to play such an important role for this couple to read something off of your phone. It just to me does not carry the impact the emotion. They just I guess being real and authentic in the moment, reading from a script. Now I've given speeches before and of course I've got to have some notes to glance and look at but I've been to weddings before. I'm not going to mention anybody Name, but they've really been reading line by line on their phone, not even acknowledging the couple, or anybody in the audience. Even when a joke was read, they didn't even pause, I feel like there's just a time and place for technology.

Sharon Rumsey  5:16  
I want to never cinegrey. The other tip I have about actually how to prepare your toast, is when you do type it out on that piece of paper, go ahead and either email a copy to the wedding planner, or print off a copy, I always promise my my maid of honor our best man, I'm not going to read it, I know it's very personal, put it in a sealed envelope, bring it to me at rehearsal, bring it to your wedding planner at rehearsal. And I will carry that copy for you. So if during dinner, you spill your drink on your toast, or you lose your copy, that way your wedding planners right there to bail you out. And all you have to do is look at me and I know you need a copy of your toast. And there we go. So there's no one knows that they did ever got lost or got wet or anything like that. And I've actually had two weddings swear, a drink was spilled on the speech. So you want to be able to have a backup for that. So just a couple of things there as far as like, getting ready to give your toast.

Kristina Stubblefield  6:23  
Sharon, if I can, if I can plug in here for just a second. Two things I would like to mention is don't forget about congratulating the couple, whether you want to do that in the first sentence of it or as you start. The other thing is, don't forget to introduce yourself, because not everyone knows who you are, or your relationship why you've been selected to do that. And Mike, I'm sorry, go ahead.

Michael Gaddie  6:47  
Well, what I was gonna say is, you know, you, like you said earlier, you have been chosen to be this maid of honor best man, whatever, matron of honor. And that's a very important position to hold in a wedding. And I mean, take it seriously. I mean, they have planned this day for a year, and they want it to be perfect. Don't get up there and, you know, act silly. And I mean, I know it's time to do that not to do that. But I mean, it's time for you to shine and say great words about your best. Really your best friend. I mean, if you're the maid of honor the best man, you're an important part of this, this wedding and you need to take it seriously, you really think it's

Sharon Rumsey  7:30  
great to tell a joke or share a funny story. But like Mike just said, you don't want to cross the line. You don't want to embarrass anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. So I think that's super important. Another thing that I think super is, I'm sorry, I think is super important, is make sure that we thank the host, you know, and by host I mean who's who's paying the bill, you want to thank you know if it's the parents of the bride, if it's the bride and groom, you want to thank them for this wonderful event they've put on and for having all of you, I think that's really, really important is to acknowledge your host.

Michael Gaddie  8:08  
Well, another thing that I want to say is I mean, I know we're talking about the best man the maid of honor right now talking about speeches, but you know, the moms and the dads give speeches to and you know, I think it's really important to be a mom or a dad to to plan and think about what you're going to say. Normally the the parents doesn't and especially the dad doesn't write on write it down and it comes from the heart. But you know, sometimes if you practice and get what you want to say down before you come up that night because I'm an I've been at weddings where the dad just goes on and on and on. And then he gets kind of nervous, many forgets what he's saying. But if you plan in advance, it's it runs so much smoother. And it's another

Sharon Rumsey  8:57  
thing which is with the parents speeches, too is they're always afraid they're going to cry. I you know, I get asked

Michael Gaddie  9:05  
that I would cry I would cry. Well, and I you know what?

Sharon Rumsey  9:09  
Not to be like, mean, but it's 10 times better if they cry. Yeah, I love I feel either something wrong with you. I love a good father of the bride speech where he just gets up there and you can see that you know, he's all in his feelings. I love a good father the bride speech. So I think it's okay if you cry.

Kristina Stubblefield  9:31  
I think it is and shear and the other thing I would add to kind of summarize what both of y'all are saying is all you're saying is give this situation, the respect it deserves for the couple for the host for the entire event. And I think that's what it comes down to. If that's practicing, if that's not drinking all the liquor you can before you give the toast

Michael Gaddie  9:56  
or whatever. Yeah, that's another that's another episode.

Kristina Stubblefield  9:59  
That's a whole nother Episode, but just treat it with the same respect, you would want someone to treat your situation

Sharon Rumsey  10:07  
100% I think it is very important to practice, I get asked a lot, I'll get an email from the maid of honor best man. And they want to know how long the tow should be. I go with the whole three's a charm. I think three minutes is just about perfect. I've noticed if you go, I've seen him go up to like 10, you start getting that long, you've lost them,

Michael Gaddie  10:32  
I think after five minutes, you've lost them,

Sharon Rumsey  10:34  
five minutes should be your absolute max. But that sweet spot is about three minutes. So if you practice it and you time yourself, you might decide you need to add a little meat to it, or you might decide you need to cut some extra out of it. Because I think three minutes is definitely that sweet spot. The other thing you want to do is make sure if you're the best man of maid of our maid of honor, that you are acknowledging both members of the couple, not just that person that you're standing up for. So I think it's great to start out by acknowledging that person that you're the closest to and that you have that significant relationship with. But then I think we definitely need to somehow acknowledge the other member of our newlywed couple in our speech as well, maybe what she thought when you first met them, or what you appreciate about them. But you definitely want to make sure that you don't just talk about one of the members of the couple.

Kristina Stubblefield  11:32  
I think that's a really good point. I hadn't thought about that too much. But you're really speaking into their new life together, not just on the past. So I think that's a really good point, Sharon. The other thing too, that when I've been to weddings, I feel like they're so full of stories or inside jokes that is only between the bride and the matron of honor or only between the groom and the best man, nobody actually understands. Because it's so inside. So do you recommend steering clear of some of that,

Sharon Rumsey  12:07  
I think inside jokes are fine, but you have to explain them. You have to kind of you know, Tell, tell the story, if you will a little bit behind the inside joke. And another thing I just can't stress enough is if you've been friends or your family to this person, and you've known him for a long, long time. Before you start telling these stories are the inside jokes. Just take one second and think what would they want their new in laws to hear?

Kristina Stubblefield  12:46  
Oh, this is a good one.

Sharon Rumsey  12:47  
So it's good. If if it's something that that that person would not sit across from their new father in law and talk about at the dinner table. It's probably not something we want to tell in front of 250 people, including the new in laws. So I think I think you do I love the stories. I mean, that's one of the things I love about weddings is I want to know, you know, I want to know the couple I want to know the story. I want to know, everything I can. But I also have seen it go too far. So

Michael Gaddie  13:23  
this whole conversation reminds me of a movie and I don't know if you have seen it or not. But the movie bridesmaid. Yeah. I mean, I just love it one of my favorite, but when there's actually a maid of honor and a matron of honor and they get up there to give their speech and they were like fighting against each other. And it's like, that's a good example of not what not to do. Because I mean, it's about the couple that day, it's not about other friendships or anything like that. And you know, you want to make it funny and have fun. But just think about the couple and you know, they're getting ready to start their life together. And that's what you need to you're like given a sendoff speech that we love them and so on. So

Sharon Rumsey  14:06  
for sure, and that's another thing too, is don't make it about you. Yeah, it's not about you at all, you know, go through that speech and count how many times you're using the word AI. You want to make sure that it stays focused on the couple, you want to make sure that it's not anything that's going to be embarrassing or hurtful. And I even I know it seems like this doesn't or should not need to be said but it totally does. Do not Do not red flags stop sign. Do not talk about an ex girlfriend or an ex boyfriend of the couple in your speech. I've seen that done. I never thought I would see it. And as a wedding planner, I just want to go in linebacker style and tackle that person and stop it right there because I'm telling you somebody ain't gonna be happy about that. Share it. I mean it, I've seen it happen. And they think it's a funny story. But I promise you that person that just married your best friend does not think that's a funny story.

Kristina Stubblefield  15:13  
I'll be honest, I've attended a wedding. This has been quite a long time ago. And I, the person, when they spoke, there was a best man said something along the lines of, I'm so glad it's not so much. So that is here on this day. And I mean, the room was silent, they were getting ready to cut the cake. And no one knew what to say like that that name shouldn't have even been brought up into that day.

Sharon Rumsey  15:44  
Somebody should have said hush yet well, it would already come out. So

Kristina Stubblefield  15:48  
Mike, just a sad note to what you said while ago I really thought share was going to break out into Wilson Phillips but another episode but in all honesty, sometimes I think people even forget about the part about Raise your glass

Sharon Rumsey  16:07  
happens all the time. Mike and I did a wedding weekend before last. And I you know, this was a very nice wedding, it was gorgeous. And I realized as they were standing up beautiful family to Oh, the sweetest family. But I'm looking at my I had co maids of honor. And a best man and my bride and my groom. And the caterer had had done what she was supposed to the glasses were filled, you know, we were ready to go, I look up there and nobody's holding a glass. You know, I'm trying to go in like stealth style, and try to figure out how to hand five people a champagne glass without getting in a photo, because I look up there and they don't have a glass. And you know what happens is, for the most part, most people when they give a toast, they want to do a very good job, they do take it very seriously. And they get nervous. A lot of people are very uncomfortable with public speaking, I've even had cases where someone turned down being a maid of honor, because she did not want to have to give a toast. It was that important to her that she turned it down. And I think they get nervous, and they just want to get that speech out. And they want to do a good job. And they forget that it's a toast. And at the end of a toast you say, so let's raise our glass to whoever and whoever. And everybody raises their glass. So you just want to make sure that you don't forget the toast and your toast.

Kristina Stubblefield  17:41  
That's an important part.

Michael Gaddie  17:43  
Well, and you know what that may be another episode talking about adequacy during a wedding. So we have to work on that.

Kristina Stubblefield  17:50  
Absolutely. And this is we have to remember to not everybody's given a toast before. A lot of times people that are in this situation, this is the very first time. And that's why I thought this was such a great topic to talk about is just to provide some information, some tips, some red flag do not do stop sign. Only there was only one that got that much attention, but very appropriately. So. I

Sharon Rumsey  18:21  
think too, you know, I if I'm going to get an email from the bridal party, it's going to come from the best man or the maid of honor and it's going to be about the toast. You know, I get my contact information about a month out the bridal party does and I always send some tips out for toasting and they're honestly very nervous. And I guess my best My best advice besides all the tips we've given is just kind of embrace those jitters. Because nerves can also bring a lot of good energy. So embrace it, be yourself. You're up there because you were special to that person you were chosen above other people to be up there. So be yourself. And don't forget to smile because you're going to be in a ton of there's a lot of photos and a lot of video from toasts. So you know, it doesn't have to be a bad experience it can actually be a really special experience.

Kristina Stubblefield  19:19  
I think this has been great to share and honestly and I think Mike's right. I think you know when we do an etiquette etiquette. If I can speak tonight, an etiquette episode. Then we can actually include some other things in there too. But I think I'll just go back around to what I say. Think about if it was your wedding, how would you want someone to treat it? And then give it the same as you would want out of someone else so Exactly. All right. Well, thank you all so much for tuning in. Mike Sharon. Anything else before we call this an episode? No, let's

Michael Gaddie  19:56  
just have a toast.

Sharon Rumsey  19:57  
Let's toast let's raise

Kristina Stubblefield  19:59  
our glasses.

Sharon Rumsey  20:00  
Cheers to the ring, the bling and all the things.

Kristina Stubblefield  20:03  
Until next time everyone take care.

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