The Vows & Saying “I Do”

Michael Gaddie  0:00  
We are gathered here today to learn how to plan a perfect ceremony.

Sharon Rumsey  0:04  
What makes the ceremony memorable, personal and most of all legal.

Kristina Stubblefield  0:10  
We have the answers to all things ceremony. In this episode, featuring experienced wedding officiant Bob Mueller. 

You got engaged. Congratulations. Happy. Yes. joyful time. Of course. Now what timelines to do lists and checklists. 100% Don't worry, you're in the right place. Welcome to The Ring The Bling And All The Things. Hi, I'm Kristina Stubblefield, one of your hosts, along with my two good friends, Michael Gaddie and Sharon Rumsey. We have over 50 years of wedding industry experience between us. We have seen it, heard it, done it and found a way around it. We are here to get you from down on one knee to down the aisle. Our podcast will cover everything from you saying yes to the I do's and all that happens in between. So buckle up and enjoy the journey. Now let's get started with this episode.

Michael Gaddie  1:29  
Alright guys, we've got a real special treat for you now. We've got a gentleman here that is well known in the local area of being an officiant. He's a great guy. I know he's got some great past and being a minister, priest, all that good stuff. And it's Bob, me or Bob, thanks for being here today. So tell us a little bit about yourself.

Bob Mueller  1:51  
Thanks, Mike. My name is Bob Mueller and I'm a minister an officiant. I do weddings, I do funerals. I do baptisms. I was a Roman Catholic priest for 15 years, and I decided to get married. And they don't like that. But I do and I've been married now for 31 years. My wife tells me I do better weddings now because I know what they're about. And she's right. That's awesome. And since then, I've been part of hospice hospitals health is a chaplain as a fundraiser. But also i'm joined a group called the United Catholic Church, which is more progressive Catholic, it allows me to be married lauzun rephrased allows me to do weddings everywhere. So for me, that's just been a perfect fit. I even have my own house church at all, too. And I've also written several books, more motivational, inspirational type books, and during COVID had a chance to write a book always wanted to write called weddings love, beauty and laughter. And it's a combination of my thoughts on marriage and love, plus funny things and beautiful things that have happened at weddings, plus some special ceremonies a couple of years that I incorporated into my book. And so that's something I give each of my couples. Wow.

Michael Gaddie  2:58  
So when a couple when they're planning on not wanting to do a certain religion, or certain background, I mean, do you help them work through that or?

Bob Mueller  3:10  
Yeah, absolutely. And I just find out where they're coming from. I think anybody that you choose is an officiant, one of the things you want to do is you want to meet with them personally, to make sure that you all fit to make sure they're gonna honor where you're coming from. I'm one of those ministers, my goal is not to make it my wedding to make it their wedding. And so I try to really find out where they're coming from. And I can make it whatever denomination wherever background, whatever spirituality they are. And in a way, that's what makes each wedding for me a lot of fun, because everyone's so different.

Kristina Stubblefield  3:38  
Well, and I'm sure that comes into play when you have two people that maybe come from different backgrounds, and you can help navigate, or that's the role of an officiant is kind of help navigate how you bring that ceremony together.

Bob Mueller  3:51  
Absolutely. And that's exactly what I do. And I find myself on top of roofs, I'm in parks, I'm in chapels or churches, and just wherever they're going to do their wedding, sometimes it's a small wedding, sometimes it's enormous. And again, just trying to make all those things mesh. I've done weddings, where we might have a combination of Hindu or Buddhist or Jewish or Christian, are just whatever. And again, just to try to make that work. Even sometimes there might be multiple languages, not that I speak all those languages, but again, allowing them the flexibility to do those kinds of things.

Sharon Rumsey  4:23  
Bob, I know you and I do a lot of weddings together. And one of the things I love the most about working with you is that my couples good to go to Bob's house. He sits down and meets with them and talks to them and really gets to know them and understand them and help figure out because sometimes couples they don't even know what they want in a ceremony. So for that newly engaged couple that walks into your living room. What do they need to know before they choose an officiant what do they need to ask? What kind of things should they be looking for?

Bob Mueller  4:59  
Well A lot of times, it's helpful because before they see me, they'll go to my website and kind of check me out too. So that kind of helps them come in to know. Many times, they don't really need to know all that much. Because with what I do with them, I have a whole packet of information just to get them thinking about what might be, but things I'm going to ask them or I need it for the wedding licensed, especially their their name, and tell them some information about the wedding license to so they can do that properly. And every state's different like in in Kentucky, the license is good for 30 days, Indiana is good for 60 days. So everyone has different variances that way. And whatever state you're in, that's where you have to get the license from. So I asked him questions about that. I want to know who their their witnesses are, I try to find out a lot about their families, and just see what their background is from work to spirituality. Many times they have no idea what readings they might want, or what the otter might be. One of the things I always do I pick up extra programs at weddings that are just laying around. And I share all those kinds of things with couples too, so they can kind of see the flow of things too. So I just have a whole set of questions that and by asking those questions, I can get the background I need to make it real personal. To me, the perfect wedding is you can get people to laugh and cry. And they're really perfect wedding you laugh and cry at the same time. That's what I'm shooting for. Because I want it to be a celebration. I think that's what they want to

Michael Gaddie  6:20  
so with the the license, do you help them go through the process of getting that because I'm going back to when I got married I remember what you have to do to do that. Right. I don't go with him to get it but I tell him what to tell him where to go what to do, right? How far in advance to do it and so on.

Bob Mueller  6:38  
A lot of people think they have to go to downtown Louisville to get it they can get in any of the different government centers except Bowman field, they just do driver's license there, but they can get it in Shelbyville or Oldham county or just whatever place they're near but it has to be from Kentucky if they're getting married in Kentucky. Sometimes people get married like just right across the river in Indiana. They think they got to get a Kentucky license. No, you got to have an Indiana because you're getting married in the end at the refinery.

Sharon Rumsey  7:00  
They think it's where they live. Yeah. And that's really where you're getting married. Exactly. It's you have to get your Okay, so

Michael Gaddie  7:05  
I just learned something. Here. I live in Louisville, right across the bridge from the refinery my weddings in Indiana right? Not even a half a mile. I have to have an Indiana

Sharon Rumsey  7:16  
heart county did not know you

Bob Mueller  7:19  
go to Clark County or Floyd County, whatever one's easiest for you. But you have to get it from there. And it's good for 60 days over in Indiana, the prices just a little bit different. In my history,

Sharon Rumsey  7:29  
I've done weddings in Louisiana, Maryland, Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky and every group has a little bit different. Every state has a little bit different requirements. That's one of the things I actually have on my checklist for my couples on aisle planner is to research the requirements for their your marriage license in the county you're getting married in because they're all different.

Michael Gaddie  7:48  
Do you have to have a license in each state to be able to perform a ceremony

Bob Mueller  7:53  
that varies to in Kentucky and Indiana the Kentucky license works for me as a minister in Louisiana when I did one there, I had to go and get get processed in Louisiana. So every state's a little bit different for the for the minister. Now a couple other things about the license, you might want to know if you talk to your parents or grandparents they might say well, we had to do a blood test. Well, you don't have to do that anymore. They did that years ago to see if you were related, compatible for children, things like that. And they took it away and then the AIDS crisis came when they put it back in and they took it away again. Another interesting rafting I

Kristina Stubblefield  8:24  
just learned something I didn't know that. Well.

Bob Mueller  8:27  
Another interesting thing about Kentucky is a lot of couples after the wedding, they might call me and say Bob the witnesses in sand. Sign the license. Are we still married? I said yeah, because in Kentucky now they want the minister or the officiant to do it in black ink and in print. So I guess I can read it. So sometimes that's a question that comes up too.

Sharon Rumsey  8:45  
But in Kentucky you taught me this and I'm already gonna mess it up. One of the states you only need one witness right? Well, no conducted Indiana you both need to both need to Okay. Now you haven't stated it's just

Bob Mueller  9:00  
I don't know about that. Anytime. If any of the states have mentioned you always had to have to two witnesses. There are differences in each state to so that's what you have to kind of watch out for. And that's usually usually your maid of honor and your best man. Yeah, usually

Sharon Rumsey  9:13  
Yeah. Sometimes have their parents or grandparents

Bob Mueller  9:15  
sometimes it's a real small wedding. They don't even have a best man or best lady I call it and so they they just have a parent or somebody like Sharon saying,

Kristina Stubblefield  9:23  
so I have a question about destination weddings. So if they're going, I don't know where gustan

Sharon Rumsey  9:32  
Riviera Maya? Well, that's one of I know a story about I have a wedding in Maya. So you get your marriage license there. Correct

Bob Mueller  9:43  
in nine times. If you're doing a destination wedding, that destination will help you through that process. Okay, they might even have a minister that they have assigned to help them in those desks and for some

Sharon Rumsey  9:52  
things like I actually have my goddaughter was married. Her wedding ceremony was In Mexico on the Riviera Maya, but we found out that in the United States that marriage wouldn't be recognized. So they actually had to go to the courthouse and get married here in the United States, and then their ceremony, photos, all that kind of stuff was on the Riviera Maya, but they actually had to get married in the United States as well, to make it legal in the United States. So

Michael Gaddie  10:24  
basically, the wedding there was just like a mock wedding.

Sharon Rumsey  10:27  
It was they

Kristina Stubblefield  10:28  
were already married. And I think the point that Bob's bringing up is do your research to know exactly where you're getting married? Is it is it going to be valid? And making sure you have that documentation ahead of time?

Sharon Rumsey  10:42  
It's really good. A lot of my couples too. And I like when we come to meet with you. They'll say, what do we have to do? You know, like, what part about this makes us married?

Bob Mueller  10:54  
The only part you really have to do the actual vows. That's where the commitment is made to one another. And there's traditional vows you can use. Sometimes people like to write their own vows. That's okay, too. It's really about that commitment. I'm just an officiant. I'm just there to say it happened. But that's, that's really the essence of what the after you could do a very, very short wedding if you wanted to that way. Basically, do you? Yes. Do you? Yes, done. But most people want to look at more than that.

Kristina Stubblefield  11:22  
Wow, I didn't realize that I thought that there needed to be more parts to the ceremony than just the vows.

Sharon Rumsey  11:29  
Well, I've been to enough of Bob's meetings that, that I knew that there are certain things you have, that have to be done. But other things are, are chosen, but not legally necessary. So

Kristina Stubblefield  11:40  
if you want a very short, I mean, that I mean, you could have a five minute ceremony, what you wanted. But then you could also build in anything else that you wanted.

Bob Mueller  11:50  
Yeah, that the basic line of it. Most couples use, they have the entrance, and then kind of a welcome. And then maybe an opening prayer, then most people do two or three readings, sometimes they'll get people in the family do those readings, sometimes they'll have me do it. If they don't anybody that they can ask to do a reading. Then after that, the vows, the rings, maybe a blessing or a prayer. So that's kind of the real short wedding. Other things that like I included in my book, or if you do the candle ceremony, or if you do hand ceremony are sometimes we do a prayer of thanks. There's a lot of things you can add in. And some people are really creative with some of the things they do. One of the things that's been most popular for me is couples that like the the they write their love letters to each other. And they put them in a wooden box, and they put their favorite beverage in there. And then I say if you ever have trouble in your marriage, open up the box, read your love letters to each other that you wrote on your wedding day. And and you know that'll help you work it out our do it every anniversary, which is even more. That's a great idea. I have some couples though, they'll they'll make a real fancy box, they'll put on their mantel, it becomes a symbol of their marriage. And they can put anything in that box. It might even ever I do weddings in Bardstown it's always bourbon beer or wine or soft drink, just whatever their, their grandkids Bob

Sharon Rumsey  13:06  
and I just did a wedding together back in June. And the couple actually did blown glass. So they had little bitty pieces of glass that were like mosaic almost broken pieces of glass. And then they read their vows. And Bob invited them to mix the glass together. So like, you know, his was blue, hers was red. I don't remember the colors Exactly. But they mix that glass together into a container. And then you send it off to a company. And it's actually blown into, they chose a vase for their home. But you can get a million different things.

Michael Gaddie  13:44  
Sharon kept telling me when we were setting that wedding up, she's kept saying I'm like, you gotta make sure you have enough room for this blown glass. Glass. No, no, no, no,

Sharon Rumsey  13:54  
I had to explain to him that we weren't actually gonna blow glass during the ceremony.

Michael Gaddie  13:58  
But she never said that to me.

Kristina Stubblefield  14:01  
Honestly, things have changed a lot. And I mean, you all are just a tick older than I am just a smidge. Right. But the one of the very first things I remember about weddings, you know, I'm Catholic. It was always the candle. You know, ceremony, the moms came in with the candles and then you did the Unity candle. Now it's just at wherever your imagination can take you almost my husband, Josh and I, we did the sand. That's what we chose to do. It was an outside wedding. And it's just all the different things. It's really interesting to see how it's evolved, I guess is what I'm saying.

Sharon Rumsey  14:43  
I even had one couple. I think I shared this with Bob they planted a tree. And what what their plan was that they had their grandparents each bring a little jar Dart from their yards, their parents each bring a little jar Dart from their yards and I was to have all this dirt up around this pot. And they were going to mix the Dart plant or tree. And as they picked it up, they would say, you know, this is from Grandma, Julian and granddad john or whatever. And here's where they live. And, you know, just joining all the homes. But I went back in the room to get ready to set up and no one had labeled their dirt. So I just had these four jars of dirt and I didn't know whose was whose so bless their hearts, I had to just label this dirt. And we did talk about each family member and each family members dirt was present. But I don't know who is who but I

Michael Gaddie  15:36  
did not know whose was whose. Well, going back to the Unity candle. I've been in this business for like 30 something years and there for a while. I want to say in 2015 16, the Catholic Church took the Unity candle out of the ceremony. I have not had one. But then they turned around and put it back in there because I think there were so many people that complained about it. Do you know can you tell us a little bit about that?

Bob Mueller  16:03  
Yeah, it was very, very popular. You know, a lot of times the parents will light the candle representing both sides. And afterwards, a couple of light from the two families have one symbol, their unity. But some of these churches were really afraid of fires. Colville chapel is a good example of the Presbyterian seminary, they had one of the moms leave a candle on their table, and it burned a hole in this altar. And so they actually caught on fire. And

Michael Gaddie  16:25  
I remember that, and so it wasn't me. But I do remember that they

Bob Mueller  16:28  
slowly totally stopped doing doing the candle there. And some of the hotels have restrictions that way. So a lot of the time it's fire related is why they haven't

Michael Gaddie  16:37  
thought it was something to do with the pope or I'm not I'm not, I don't know nothing about that kind of stuff. But I mean, they stopped doing it for about two years. And so many people complained about it. One of the praise downtown and the cathedral told me Yes, well, they brought it back. And I thought that was a strange how you do something.

Sharon Rumsey  16:56  
Catholic weddings recently, and we haven't done it in any of them. I don't know if it was just couple preference or but we haven't done it in any of them.

Bob Mueller  17:05  
yet. It's very popular. And like you're kind of saying some people think that that's something you have to do, but you really don't. And there are just so many things you can do. There's a Spanish custom of the the groom has to give the bride 13 gold coins for Jesus and 12 apostles. There's a I've had grandmother's be flower girls, I've had one grandmother that blew bubbles. Yeah. So I mean, there's so many creative things you can do. And sometimes you can almost get too creative and sometimes simple is just as good to

Sharon Rumsey  17:33  
write. I know the hand fastening ceremony, that just always makes me a nervous wreck. Because I don't know, I just am afraid they're gonna get up there and get all tangled up, and it's not gonna come off correct. Because when, when you do the handfasting ceremony when they pull their hands out, it's supposed to make a love knot. But I've seen it go real bad. And they're just all tangled up, and they can't get their hands out in front of all these people. So I mean, I haven't even witnessed one of those. So I can't speak about what I'm making practice. Yeah, yeah, yes.

Kristina Stubblefield  18:05  
Okay. Speaking of that, Bob, do you recommend? Or do you have a suggestion for people, some of our listeners aren't even local? Do you have a recommendation for premarital classes or counseling, or I may not be saying any of that, right?

Bob Mueller  18:22  
Your fan, like I'm not really a counselor, but I always try to meet with each couple at least twice. And it didn't exactly counseling. But when you start talking about the ceremony, you get into everything with them, you know, whether

Kristina Stubblefield  18:33  
it's like opening a home,

Bob Mueller  18:34  
you know, what your parents where the parent is going to sit, people get along with your faith background. So we end up talking about so many different things. So it's sort of a marriage preparation. However, if they want some real marital counseling, I sent him the old label Counseling Center or some other counselors that I know that will do a good job. And I think it's a great thing, if they're willing to do it. Anything you can do to prepare is wonderful.

Sharon Rumsey  18:55  
I love that Bob actually meets with his clients beforehand, not once, but twice. I attend those meetings if my clients want me to and I always say, you know, this is this is going to be a very personal meeting, and Bob's going to talk to you guys about your lives. And I let them choose if they want me to come or not. And I'm fine either way, but I really have seen things come out in those meetings that you know, maybe I've worked with this couple for six, eight months that I didn't know. So I think it's really great that he takes that time to get to know them personally. We just had a girl that a couple that we shared and her dad had passed away recently. And I know she shared that with Bob and we know we talked about how to honor him and during the ceremony while still keeping it fun and upbeat. What had what do you recommend in those situations for people that have lost a parent or someone in the that very close, immediate family to acknowledge them during the ceremony but still make the day about joy.

Bob Mueller  19:59  
You're one of the examples Prayer is called a prayer of thanks. And the nice thing about the prayer of thanks is you can include a lot of things. First thing is to pray for the couple that they live, love and laugh all the days are live. Second is remember all those who have gone before on each side of the family. And sometimes I'll mention names their third when all those unable to come maybe because of COVID, or whatever. And sometimes I can even do an audible at the line of scrimmage, but somebody's really recent. And then military sometimes as important are, the other thing I like to do is include who the travelers are. And sometimes I'll mention the states and countries that are there. It's a very wonderful way to let people know who's there and let the cap the crowd know the couple knows that too. And then I'll usually end up praying for their special intentions. That's one easy way to do it. Sometimes people have an empty chair with their picture on it. So people do all kinds of things. Sometimes you don't want to do too much because you don't want it to become upsetting to the family either. So it's kind of sensitive. So that's

Sharon Rumsey  20:51  
a fine line. I walk I get asked a lot of the times, you know helped me honor my grandpa helped me honor my dad and I don't want to bring it down. But I also know that person's important to them. I had wine. The groom's father had passed away about a month before the wedding. And he was a huge Cubs fan. They were from Chicago was a huge Cubs fan. And the groom didn't want the empty chair, anything that would make his mom sad. So what we did was we took the old Harry carry the Cubs announcer for years and years and years, and we found some recorded snippets of him just saying, you know, cubbies Are you ready for some baseball, that kind of thing. And the DJ would just throughout the night, every now and again, play a little snippet of that cubs announcer and he would see the family all look at each other and smile, and then go right back to dancing. But it gave him that little minute of remembering the groom's dad. So I think like Bob said, there's a ton of different ways to honor people without making it sad.

Bob Mueller  21:51  
Well, the other thing that I encounter is I end up getting involved in the circle of life because so often if there's a wedding, there's also been a recent funeral, or even a baptism. So many times when I get to know a family, I may end up doing a ceremony. And I call them off celebrations. Even if it's a memorial service, I call it a celebration of life. I just had a funeral recently, that it was really a celebration of life for a woman who was 63 was single, went to every river bat and bat game there was and kept score. And so she wanted you to do your celebration and do it in a baseball theme, because that was basically get her so I use the book of Genesis I said in the beginning, no, I didn't say it that I said in the beginning, I use some of Yogi bears malapropisms. Like, if you haven't gone to other people's funerals, they won't go to yours and just try to really add some humor to it. And everybody came that day she had had at baseball, I serve I wore a baseball hat. And we did the peewee research at autobahn Country Club. So just trying to make those things alive. I love whether it's a wedding or celebration of life as a memorial service or a baptism, you know, they all kind of work together. And really,

Sharon Rumsey  22:54  
I think that's honestly one of the things I love the most about my job is just finding ways to make things personal and still honor what they're wishing and what they're wanting. I know you have in the folder that you give couples, because I've looked through one of them a ton of readings. And they go from anywhere from straight out of the Bible to favorite authors or poets. How do you help couples narrow that down?

Bob Mueller  23:23  
Well, first of all, give them a packet of what I call her my favorite wedding readings is that give them something to work from. But also tell them if you find something else you like, we can certainly incorporate that. And some people want all Scripture, some people want one scripture, and maybe something contemporary. So I just kind of walked through him and I tell them to read them to each other and to see what what relates to them. So some people they like so many of them end up doing four or five readings, and that's okay. And I always also asked him to find people that in their family that might want to do one of the rings. So just make sure they can read that may sound silly, but some people are terrified of doing something like that in public. And some people are wonderful. But it's a great way of including an an or a godparent, or a good friend that maybe you couldn't include is the best is what are your wedding party.

Sharon Rumsey  24:04  
I know when we do rehearsals together a lot, you and I both agree that you want to practice. You want those readers there and you want them to come up and actually practice reading. So that it's not wedding day with 200 people. And they're a nervous wreck, and they've never read that before. So you want to make sure that's given out ahead of time. And especially

Bob Mueller  24:22  
there's a microphone there just so they're comfortable with that because a lot of times you have a reader and they they can be heard because the microphone. So yeah, you want to just try to make that go smoothly how to use the mic.

Kristina Stubblefield  24:32  
Well, and a lot of times when you put a microphone in front of somebody, they can be the loudest speaker, but when they get in front of them, all of a sudden they start talking on a whisper and what you're wanting someone to read like that you're wanting it to be heard. So definitely I would think practice would be the best thing

Sharon Rumsey  24:50  
I get asked a lot of the time, how long should it be? when couples ask you that question, What's your answer? Well,

Bob Mueller  24:57  
I usually find out what they want first and then I can kind of tell Most of my weddings are somewhere in the 20 to 30 minute range. If you do a Roman Catholic wedding in a church, those could well be an IRA because you have the whole mass there. So the manner in the 20 to 30 minute range just depends on how many attendants and how many readings and things like that, right and always want to make sure I have I don't really call it a sermon, I call it reflections. I always like to include something like that just to give it some meat to the wedding. And one of the things that Sharon, particularly have discovered, in terms of doing a rehearsal, the best way to do rehearsal is to the beginning last, so we always get everybody lined up up front, run through the ceremony, then go out then come in, if you try to start with, with the beginning from the back there just all messed up. That makes a rehearsal rehearsal that could go on and go about a half an hour.

Kristina Stubblefield  25:43  
Well, Bob, you may know the answer to this, or it may be based on each church. But does it always have to be a full mass?

Bob Mueller  25:52  
No, the only ones that really required if you have two Roman Catholics, and they're in a Catholic Church, they're you required to do it. If you have a Roman Catholic and maybe an Episcopal or another denomination, then you would wouldn't be required to have a mass. Sometimes they do. They don't have to.

Kristina Stubblefield  26:06  
And that could be something like a half mass. Well,

Bob Mueller  26:09  
I don't even call it a half man. It's just the wedding ceremony. Okay. Yeah. And sometimes an Episcopal or Lutheran Church may do maybe more like a mass to but yeah, there's no such thing as a half mass

Kristina Stubblefield  26:21  
sharing. Have you said that word to me before? You're not gonna say it? You recently held a wedding. And I think she said to me now they're only having a half man. Timmy. To me. My

Sharon Rumsey  26:35  
question is, are we not doing community? See you, you can remind for those

Kristina Stubblefield  26:42  
watching, I may have seen that Mike is really I

Sharon Rumsey  26:46  
may have said half mass.

Kristina Stubblefield  26:48  
My question is always thank you, Sharon, for take. So appreciate you. Because you could have easily just been like, I don't think so. Now I'd have been like, well, would you

Michael Gaddie  26:59  
look at you like, what are you talking?

Sharon Rumsey  27:05  
To me? I know, it's not an official term. I didn't know she was gonna use it. I didn't know

Kristina Stubblefield  27:12  
she was gonna say. But Bob, thank you for not giving me a hard way to go around this roadway.

Michael Gaddie  27:18  
He says no, I thought I have mass

Sharon Rumsey  27:20  
if they serve communion or not serve communion is what I as a planner want to know. Because if if you're doing a Catholic wedding, and they have communion, that's an hour. But if they don't have communion, you're at about 30 to 40 minutes. And that's what I need to know is the wedding planner. So I do call those without communion, a half mass, but I probably won't after today.

Michael Gaddie  27:45  
So Bob, I know you mentioned earlier about your book, tell us a little bit about the book and the information that you've put in there.

Bob Mueller  27:51  
Well, one of the sermons or reflections often use is called the Beatitudes of marriage, just some attitudes to be for marriage. And the first thing is beatitude is just enjoy one another. And that's one of the things too, when I meet with couples, I find out what they really enjoy. I found out what their dog's name is just all that kind of stuff. Because by adding those little snippets of information in my homily or my reflections, it just makes such a better wedding because I'm personalize it. And I include a mixture of humor and serious in there too, just to keep that balance. I don't know if you all been to these, but I've been in some weddings that are off or the minister didn't even know the couple, they'll talk about divorce or peanut butter or something silly. You can tell in an instant that they don't know that's the last thing I ever want to do. So I try to incorporate just some of my my thoughts on love and marriage. And I tell couples give this to him as a gift and tell him to read this and you know, let it be something that hopefully is helpful term. But then also include some beautiful moments and had ademu wedding and tuck Memorial Chapel in the cemetery chapel there, about 12 people there. And when the bride was leaving, she had her bouquet and she saw this lady and a tombstone, and I was with an earshot. And this lady was just bawling her eyes out. And so the Brian went over and found out this lady just lost her husband. And so this Friday is something so powerful. She said, Here, take this bouquet, you need it more than I do. This powerful.

Sharon Rumsey  29:06  
Oh my goodness.

Bob Mueller  29:08  
And then and then I had a wedding at the Louisville water tire. And when he was at 630 at 530, a terrible storm hit and knocked all the chairs over in the back of the head tablecloths on the tables for the for the cocktails. All those tablecloths went through hell River. The power went out of the water tower, our wedding planner, the poor wedding planner, and also the poor couple they were they were just going nuts. But anyway, by six o'clock the storm stopped because they were connected to Veterans Hospital. The power went right back on, we set everything up. The only thing we were missing was a tablecloth. But we went ahead and had the wedding at 630. And right at the end of the ceremony, I was doing my final blessing. And I was losing the crowd looked up and there was a double rainbow. Oh wow. And then had a wedding at the Louisville Zoo several years ago. And this couple they were at some very top of the zoo under the tent. We were outside. And right as the guys rages vows, all these birds are behind me There was a peacock that walks up and right as this guy's saying his vows, his peacock starts yelling,

Michael Gaddie  30:04  
help. Held.

Bob Mueller  30:08  
went on for about two minutes. Everybody just lost. It was so funny. After that, we went on with this ceremony. Always also when I'm doing a wedding, I always have in my book the couple's name right in front of me, because it's just so easy to blank out. Only time ever Mac can vouch for that.

Kristina Stubblefield  30:24  
Mike struggles with names. Okay, Sharon, he needs a book and the name of the podcast.

Bob Mueller  30:30  
The only time I ever messed up years ago, I had a couple named Pam and Sam. I didn't mean to say it but I ever thought I was being funny. I called him spam. So I always make sure I got their name in front of what's really tough is when you have a bride or groom it has a name that can either be male or female. And that can be tricky. Like,

Sharon Rumsey  30:50  
I just did two weddings. Back to back where the couple's names were both Blake and Alex. Yeah. But in one Blake was the bride and then the other one Blake is the Grimm. And boy, I was I was like, Mike, I constantly was saying the wrong thing like

Kristina Stubblefield  31:07  
Well, I mean, if you just say she was like you

Michael Gaddie  31:10  
she's more like me than you really think. Tamar comes on she's better.

Bob Mueller  31:15  
Easiest wedding ever had they roll theme pants I said do you pad take pad to be your pad?

Sharon Rumsey  31:22  
How many weddings Do you think you've done?

Bob Mueller  31:24  
Well, because I'm so old. And I've been in heavy wedding churches and I do probably anywhere from 40 to 70 years. I've done over 1000 I'm sure.

Michael Gaddie  31:32  
Oh my goodness. That's amazing.

Kristina Stubblefield  31:34  
So what exactly why he's written a book. He's seen it all.

Sharon Rumsey  31:38  
He does the most amazing job with couples. I I love working with Bob. He's always when they say they need an officiant. I'm like, hold on, and I'm texting him right from wherever we're meeting. What's your favorite reading? I've always wanted to ask you that. But I'm always I don't ask it in front of my couples because I'm afraid it won't be one they choose. But what's your favorite?

Bob Mueller  31:59  
Well, on scripture. I'm not the fan of Corinthians. Love is patient love is Cancun is so overused, overdone. If you ever saw the movie, The Wedding Crashers are betting on whether it's Corinthians is 80% bet. And I like the one from Colossians because your guys chosen ones holy and beloved. And my wife and I use that in our wedding. However, I also love some contemporary readings too. There's a reading on love by Roy Crawford, I love. There's another about Robert folgen. It ends like at the end of the ceremony, you're going to be able to say you're my husband or my wife. I love those two especially, but I share those with couples. And many times they'll choose those. But there's a lot of other choices too, depending on

Sharon Rumsey  32:35  
I think the one by craft is the one I've heard you do that I like the most. I love that one.

Michael Gaddie  32:42  
When Pam and I got married 30 years ago, Greg Allen from Southeast Christian church married us. And right before we walked off the stage, and he introduced us, he said, If I can give you one advice, this would be it. And he said, Don't ever go to bed mad. What would you What would you suggest to a bride and groom? Well, your advice,

Bob Mueller  33:07  
my best advice would be to look at each other. Just say thanks to God for the gift of each other.

Sharon Rumsey  33:12  
That's all he tells couples to say. Thank you for my husband, thank you for my wife every day when he has this meeting. And it always makes me almost cry. Well,

Kristina Stubblefield  33:24  
that can be such a simple word. But so powerful. Just taking a second to say thank you.

Sharon Rumsey  33:31  
My husband loves when I've been to meeting at Bob's because I'm always nicer when I get home.

Michael Gaddie  33:39  
Pour rod.

Kristina Stubblefield  33:41  
Bob, for those that wouldn't be local. Is there any way they can get your book? Do you make it available on your website? Or any? Yeah,

Bob Mueller  33:48  
they get it through Amazon? Or they can just contact me from our website and I'll mail them one too. So okay,

Kristina Stubblefield  33:54  
what's the name of the book called weddings? Love beauty and laughter. Okay, I just want to make sure people know that they can have access to one as well. I do. Yes. I just didn't want to mess up the name of it. Yeah.

Sharon Rumsey  34:04  
And Bob, for where for those of us who are local for couples that are local? How do they find you and get in touch?

Bob Mueller  34:10  
Well, one is just to go under Bob Mueller label on just, you know, unzoom it and you'll find me, you have a website and you can kind of go into all the different things I'm doing. Not just weddings, but also my books and my ministry and all that too.

Sharon Rumsey  34:25  
And then just reach out via that information and see if you're available

Bob Mueller  34:29  
and the local wedding network is a great contact because it's all right there too. at local wedding network comm

Kristina Stubblefield  34:36  
for those that have listened that may not be familiar local wedding network is a local wedding group. referral group may be the right term to use group that have many wedding professionals as part of that group. But one of the favorite things I like to share with people is if you use two or more members from that group, then there is a 5% discount. Did I take the words right out of your mind I've heard you say it so much. I just thought I would just go right ahead. You know, try not to blunder it up. Right, right. Okay, can I start or is it time for rapid fire? Yep. Okay, Bob at the end of Bob, but can you say that my

Michael Gaddie  35:18  
buckle up Betty?

Kristina Stubblefield  35:21  
Okay, so we do something called rapid fire questions. Okay. I guess I can finish that sentence. Okay. You attend a wedding? Do you run towards the dance floor or away from it?

Bob Mueller  35:36  
myself. He's talking about me. I tend to leave right after the dinner.

Kristina Stubblefield  35:41  
So no dancing.

Bob Mueller  35:43  
No dancing. I have SAS 13 feet. So I then helped me.

Sharon Rumsey  35:49  
Gotcha. Okay, Bob. You can't you cannot answer God and you cannot answer your family. Because those things are given. What do you absolutely love you can't literally can't live without it. My dogs, your dogs. I knew he was my people. I can

Michael Gaddie  36:11  
see that with him. He

Sharon Rumsey  36:12  
has the cutest little three legged dog.

Bob Mueller  36:15  
We got him They call him Trey. We changed his name to Tigger.

Michael Gaddie  36:19  
My cats things taker. So Bob, last question. What do you most admire? authenticity? Good answer The answer.

Kristina Stubblefield  36:34  
I have one more. Can I please ask another? What's your favorite board game?

Bob Mueller  36:42  
I don't know that. I really have one. I'm a baseball night. So I in terms of sports, I'd go baseball. I don't know.

Kristina Stubblefield  36:52  
I caught him without an answer. That's what rapid fires. Okay, Bob, thank you so much for coming on and being guests. I don't know about you all. But I think there's a lot of valuable information that's going to help a lot of people with our wedding planning.

Sharon Rumsey  37:07  
And ceremony is a big thing to play and couples struggle with it sometimes. Well, and

Kristina Stubblefield  37:10  
I know when we've been a wedding shows recently, that that is a topic that has come up in regards to ceremony, details and all that stuff. So Bob, thanks for taking time out to be with us. We really appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. It was fun. Thank you. Yes. So for those listening, we appreciate you being a listener. And if you'd like what you hear, take just a minute. Subscribe to our you're on your favorite podcast platform, or you can always visit our website. Until next time, see ya.

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