Navigating the Holidays As Newlyweds

Michael Gaddie  0:00  
Ho, Ho, Ho, the holidays can be so stressful.

Kristina Stubblefield  0:04  
Oh, so true. That's why in this episode, we're giving you some tips from our own experience on how to navigate through the holidays. As a new couple. Stay tuned. 

You got engaged. Congratulations. Happy. Yes. joyful time. Of course. Now what timelines to do lists and checklists. 100% Don't worry, you're in the right place. Welcome to The Ring The Bling And All The Things. Hi, I'm Kristina Stubblefield, one of your hosts, along with my two good friends, Michael Gaddie and Sharon Rumsey. We have over 50 years of wedding industry experience between us. We have seen it, heard it, done it and found a way around it. We are here to get you from down on one knee to down the aisle. Our podcast will cover everything from you saying yes to the i do's and all that happens in between. So buckle up and enjoy the journey. Now let's get started with this episode.

Mike, I don't know about you. But I love the holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's a big time with my family. And actually an exciting time. But as a new couple or a new married couple. It can be pretty stressful. Very stressful. I don't know about you. But Josh, my husband and I, we have bigger families. And I can remember in the beginning, it was pretty hectic on juggling schedules. What gifts were rebuying, whose house were we going to? Where were we eating?

Michael Gaddie  2:07  
It was a lot and it goes on and on. You know, when you get married, and you bring two families together, it's very difficult, it can be very difficult the first year to get in a new tradition.

Kristina Stubblefield  2:22  
You know, you might also want to start creating your own tradition.

Michael Gaddie  2:25  
That's exactly right. And I'm also newly wed couples do start their own traditions, especially when a baby comes in. But, but when let's first get through the married couple first because you know, when you're working with two different families, bringing them together, that's one of the hardest things that ah, and Pam had to deal with when we were newlyweds.

Kristina Stubblefield  2:47  
Well, and I love my family, and my mom does a lot for a lot of us. But most of the time, the times that things are going to happen is decided closer to the day of it. Not always a week or two in advance. And it's we get through it. But Josh's mom is a planner, she wants to know like, I'm gonna have it ready at two o'clock. If you don't want to come at 12 That's fine. Just make sure you're there by two. That's what time we're going to eat. And we know that 10 1215 days in advance. And I think sometimes figuring out how families tick, you know, even if you're not married yet and you're engaged. We're not even talking about all the questions you're going to be asked about your wedding planning. We're just talking about your family traditions and get togethers.

Michael Gaddie  3:50  
Well, one tip that I would like to give is you have to be flexible with each other. Because the groom's family or your spouse's family is just as more important to him as it is to your family. So for an example, because we have not just dealt with Thanksgiving and Christmas, we have to deal with Easter to Mother's Day, Mother's Day, it's always something

Kristina Stubblefield  4:15  
new years. We normally try to do a little something. So just this time of year, it's Thanksgiving and Christmas and all that stuff we do or Hanukkah. Yeah,

Michael Gaddie  4:26  
yes, definitely. But we split up the holidays. Pamela do we go to my mom's for Thanksgiving? We go to Pam's mother's for Easter. So it's always been like that. We made that decision before we even got married. And it's been that way every time. Now when it comes to Christmas, I mean, usually we'll go to her mom's on Christmas Eve. And then my mom's on Christmas Day. But what happened was when Pam sister got married, that was a whole nother thing, because we had to deal with work around their schedule.

Kristina Stubblefield  5:02  
So we're not saying this in a bad way, yeah, work around or you had to deal with. It means trying to mesh together, all family activities, so to speak.

Michael Gaddie  5:13  
And every person or every couple does things different. You know, we've had my sister and her husband and their kid, when they were growing up, or when we were younger, they decided, hey, this is our tradition, just like you said earlier, they made their own tradition, this is what we're going to do. If you don't want to be a part of it, we would love to have you there.

Kristina Stubblefield  5:34  
Well, and that's a really, and I think, to realize it can change, like you you said, when kids come in the picture. It's okay about being flexible. And I'm gonna say two things about that. My brother, there's 11 years between us, and they now have two kids. And when their first child came along, Christmas morning, it just moved to their house. Understandably so because Josh and I don't have kids will our Furbabies count as our kids in our eyes, but it just made sense to be at their house on Christmas morning. And I think it's okay, that it can change or be adjusted as you go. The other thing too, is, don't forget about time for yourselves.

Michael Gaddie  6:25  
Exactly. That's the most important.

Kristina Stubblefield  6:26  
There's so many topics to talk about when you talk about the holidays, because

Michael Gaddie  6:30  
actually, yeah, we go to both of our parents. But on Christmas morning, it's always been like this. Now, when Ryan came along, I mean, it was even more, but we would always have Christmas on Christmas morning no matter what. And I feel like that's what we need to talk about here today. Because it's very important for a newly wet, newly engaged couple or a new newlyweds to have that time and, and connect

Kristina Stubblefield  6:58  
and make your own tradition, even if it's not Christmas Eve, or even if it's not Christmas Day. I know some people do something the day after Christmas. That's their time, they take off work, if they're supposed to work that day, you know, it's already in their plans, that the 26th they, that's their time to be home, to spend time together. And that's come up for me and Josh a few times. And I actually kind of like it because Christmas Eve and Christmas Day is a little hectic for us. It's a hustle and bustle bouncing around. We don't have kids. So we just it was at my parents house, me and my brother and our spouses, we still went to my parents house for Christmas morning. I love that tradition. Now my grandfather's birthday fell on Christmas Eve. So ever since I was a kid, we always celebrated his birthday Christmas Eve. And I think we opened one present. But it was usually not a whole lot about Christmas, so to speak on Christmas Eve. And I remember, that's all I ever remember. And, you know, even though he passed away, we've still kept that tradition of celebrating his birthday. And that's important to us. But gosh, you those days can go by so quickly. They can it's okay to that day after or that Christmas. I know some people do Christmas afternoon, after 12 o'clock, they go to their house. And that's their, their the rest of the day. If you want to see them, you come there. And I guess the biggest thing goes back to what you said is being flexible. And I feel like this gets brought up in most of our episodes. And gosh, it's so important in married life, communication, communication to your both sides of the family or however many sides of the family there is to figuring out how you can make it all work

Michael Gaddie  8:58  
well. And I'll be honest with you, I dealt with this personally. And I want if if this can help any other new couples, it'd be great. When I was younger, and we first got married, it was almost like I was I knew what I wanted to do for Christmas. And I knew what Pam wanted to do for Christmas. You know with her, she wants to spend time with her family. I want to spend time with my family. But I think we were both like, well, I don't want to upset him or her like almost a little bit eggshell on eggshells. Yeah. And if I can say one thing, communicate with one another and talk about it. Say hey, what what can we do or what traditions can we start to help make this holiday smooth? One thing is both of you are going to be dealing with your parents or your mother mainly, you know, come up with a solution even if it's not on Christmas Day. Like you said the 26 Or maybe it may be even New Year's day instead of Christmas Day, but still, you've got that whole week to celebrate, and come up with a plan that makes it comfortable for both of you. Because I know what's a very touchy situation.

Kristina Stubblefield  10:12  
The other thing we're not even throwing in here, some couples out there work the holidays. Mm hmm. So are in family, I don't really think it affects in many in our family. But my mother in law, for the past, I don't know how many years she's always done it the weekend before either the Saturday or Sunday before Christmas. Because she knows our schedules are kind of hectic, Josh's sister, Dallas, they have three kids. And it's just a lot. So in order to take as much stress off of us as she can. She just says, I'll do it the weekend before which day would be better Saturday or Sunday. And now, not all mother in laws

Michael Gaddie  11:05  
are like that.

Kristina Stubblefield  11:06  
You're exactly right. Some are dead set on their traditions. And it's at six o'clock, and you're expected to be there. But it goes back to what you said, communicating can go a long way.

Michael Gaddie  11:19  
Well, I think 1015 20 years ago, I think if I can say this correctly, older parents now are set in their ways. The generation today is brought up so much different than they were 2025 years ago. Because that. And I hate to say this, but I don't think traditions are as important to families now than they used to be not saying that's not important. It's just that the younger generation, and the younger couples today are more flexible with life than they used to be 2530 years ago. Does that make sense?

Kristina Stubblefield  11:57  
It does. And talking about this or figuring out a little bit of a plan. You don't have to have it. Like it's an agenda necessarily for the day, although it may make it easier on you, right? A few weeks, at least beforehand, not the day before. And I think it would take off some of the eggshell filling. But I'll tell you as a kid, you know, I had two totally different families, and all of which wanted to do something on the exact same day, normally at the exact same time. And my grandpa's birthday overruled, that, you know, and I either went earlier in the day, or nine o'clock or so at night. And you know, as I've gotten older, it used to really frustrate me because I felt like I was kind of pulled in between it. That was my own feelings. Not that I was be not that they were making me feel that way. But now looking back on it. I appreciate the time that I was able to spend with both. And I think sometimes at the time we can get so caught up in that frustration or the stress or feeling like you have to watch a clock. When in all honesty, gosh, life can be short. And how great is it that we do get to spend time with each other?

Michael Gaddie  13:27  
That's exactly right. I mean, I feel like you hit it right there on the head. Because

Kristina Stubblefield  13:31  
now it's taken me a number of years to get there. But I hope by sharing that it keep those people aren't going to be around forever, unfortunately, wish they could. And you know, it's all of us can make other decisions. You know, life can pass you by so quickly. But I know we're talking about the holidays, but doesn't just have to be the holidays that you spend time with. The whole thing about this is with couples, holidays can be very challenging and very stressful. I've even heard some newlywed couples say they felt as much stress trying to figure out where to be what time to be at of who should play should they go to how much time should they split between two just as much stress as planning their wedding? And that's unfortunate. Yeah.

Michael Gaddie  14:26  
I mean, you know what, in a perfect world, the both families could be brought together and you celebrate all at one place. That's a perfect world.

Kristina Stubblefield  14:36  
But you know what, that's not a bad. I know, it's not about you as a newlywed couple. You could have both families, maybe not the whole extended family depending on your place. But bringing those two families together even if it's between Thanksgiving and Christmas, or even if it's at Easter time but it's not actually Easter day. You can do something the weekend before The weekend after, to have in start traditions at your own place if you want to

Michael Gaddie  15:06  
write, and I think that's what we want to get from this episode is concentrate on yourself and concentrate on knowing that the holidays are a hustle and bustle anyway. So it's like a plan, plan in advance, talk to one another, communicate with one another. And I think it'll be a lot better for each of them.

Kristina Stubblefield  15:31  
And we could get into a whole lot of topics with this episode, because we haven't talked about gifts we haven't talked about who's cooking. We haven't talked about what family members are coming. There's so much to this, but you set it exactly right is finding out a way to making it work. Whether you're newly engaged, you're newly married, whatever your situation is, the holidays is a time to celebrate. And be with one another, be with one another. Don't be afraid to start your own traditions because you are afraid you're going to offend someone or feel like you're taking away. It doesn't have to fall under the traditional umbrella of happening on this special day. So many people are extending the holidays and making them to that week, the weekend before after, find a way to celebrate your love as a couple. Definitely with your family.

Michael Gaddie  16:31  
And this would be a perfect episode for bride and groom's or couples to call us. And let us know what situations that you have dealt with when you've got married. And when it comes to the holidays.

Kristina Stubblefield  16:45  
Well, since we pre recorded this, although they can't call us on the phone right now. Right? But what they can do is how are you handling this? We'd love to hear from you. And you know what, Mike? That is a great idea. What we could do is we could also reach out to some of our brides or grooms that we've had on here. And pose that question, how are they handling the holidays? And do a follow up episode because the holidays are not just Thanksgiving and Christmas or Hanukkah? Right? They happen throughout the year. And I think you hit some

Michael Gaddie  17:21  
great idea because I think there's so many people out here dealing with this as we speak

Kristina Stubblefield  17:27  
dealing with it like it's something bad they've got to deal with but it is

Michael Gaddie  17:31  
stressful, very stressed. What's more stressful than dealing with the holiday itself talking

Kristina Stubblefield  17:35  
to it's got my anxiety at night with shopping yet anymore. You got shipping. Oh,

Michael Gaddie  17:39  
we've started yet.

Kristina Stubblefield  17:42  
haven't even thought about it. But in all honesty, I think what we've done is said wow, we need to dig into this more. We just wanted to start the conversation. And of course like most things now we have 10 different directions we can go in. But we'll follow this up and we'll dig into this more. We'd love to hear from you. We just want to do something short and sweet. You're not alone. It's a stressful time. Make time for yourself. And enjoy the time with your family. Although it can be stressful.

Michael Gaddie  18:10  
Let me sing a jingle for you like Jingle bells, jingle bells. Oh,

Kristina Stubblefield  18:14  
come on. If you're still tuned in to us, we'd love to hear from you. Just visit our website or find us on social media and shoot us a message. How do you handle the holidays so we can share with others. And until next time, we hope everyone stays safe. We hope you enjoy the time as a couple and with your family dia.

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