Would you like to bring greater value to your relationship and be motivated daily to create fun and exciting memories?
In this episode, you will learn about a tool you can utilize to open the doors to difficult conversations with your spouse or fiancé. Our special guest, Diana Indries, has created a game and an app that offers ways for you and your partner to maintain quality communication daily and helps you grow your relationship.
• [1:53] “I'm trying to help couples have better communication, and also still have a lot of fun whilst they're doing it.”
• [3:28] “So if people would be more aware of the different personality types out there, what type of personality they have, and what type of personality their partner has, they will know exactly how to communicate effectively with them, you know, as they're getting their idea across and also accepted by their partner or even just negotiate on ideas.”
• [8:05] Diana talks about the game they created encouraging couples to have the important and difficult conversations.
• [20:03] Diana speaks about strengthening relationships to a deeper level… starting your marriage off right and better connection.
For more information on The Ring The Bling And All The Things Podcast, visit: https://www.ringblingallthethingspodcast.com/
Coaching & consulting: https://kristinastubblefield.com/
Michael Gaddie 0:00
Would you like to bring greater value to your relationship and be more motivated daily to create fun and exciting memories?
Kristina Stubblefield 0:08
In this episode, you will learn about a tool you can utilize to open the doors to difficult conversations with your spouse or fiance. Our special guest, Diana Indries has created a game and an app that offers ways for you and your partner to maintain quality communication daily and helps you grow your relationship.
You're listening to The Ring The Bling And All The Things podcast. I'm Kristina Stubblefield, one of your hosts, along with my two good friends Michael Gaddie and Sharon Rumsey. We are here to get you from down on one knee down the aisle and into happily ever after. Our informative episodes deliver valuable tips, trends, ideas, and advice covering everything from you saying yes to the I do's and all that happens in between and after. Now, let's get started with this episode.
Mike, I am so excited about our next guest. I think I've gotten my ducks in a row and we're ready to go with this episode now. I met Diana and was connected with her through a podcast website. And her topic is a very popular one. So I would like to introduce our guests to Diana Indries. Diana, thank you so much for being with us. I really appreciate you taking time to join us.
Diana Indries 1:37
Thank you guys for having me on your podcast. I'm very excited to be here. And I'm looking forward to talk some more about communication as I'm super passionate about it.
Kristina Stubblefield 1:46
Will you tell just our audience a little bit about you? Before we hop right into the topic?
Diana Indries 1:53
Yes. So as you mentioned, you know, I'm Diana and I own a company called a platform actually called the better topics through which I'm how I'm trying to help couples have better communication, and also still have a lot of fun whilst they're doing it. Other than that I am physically based in the UK.
Kristina Stubblefield 2:17
Well, in Thank goodness for technology that allows us to record with people from all over, Mike, it seems like almost every episode, somehow communication gets brought up every time and when I saw Diana's information, I knew that this not only would be a hot topic, but Diana just said that she wants to help people. And you know, everything we do is about education and getting information to people so they can make decisions and have tools to utilize going forward in the relationship. And I think what we're going to talk about in strengthening relationships, I really think that it's great that Diana is doing something like that
Michael Gaddie 3:02
I do too. And I tell you what, this is not just for our newly couples, but for our older couples, too. You know, mom and dads can really get a benefit out of this. So I'm excited myself.
Kristina Stubblefield 3:13
Yes. So, okay, I'm gonna put you on the spot, Don, you know, what is one of the top tips that you would give from the communication standpoint, or an engaged couple.
Diana Indries 3:28
The very first one would be if they haven't done any so far, they should start doing now is learn more about different personality types, and also the love languages. So if people would be more aware of the different personality types out there, what type of personality they have, and what type of personality their partner has, they will know exactly how to communicate effectively with them, you know, as they're getting their idea across and also accepted by their partner or even just negotiate on ideas.
Kristina Stubblefield 4:10
There's so much in that sentence, Mike, you're chuckling to because she's hit on?
Michael Gaddie 4:19
I don't even know what first question to ask. Because this is based off of a card game that you have come up with, correct? Yes. Okay. So explain to us what procedures we need to do and what we need to expect when you when we're doing this. This is a one on one game for couples.
Diana Indries 4:44
Yes. So the card game is directed to couples. Now as you very nicely said, you know, it's for newer couples as well, but also for more mature ones too. I mean, the feedback has been amazing from both sides of the spectrum. Also a lot of couples therapists love the game all over the world. Because although many of them have been in the field for so long, they've never thought of making this type of game and also make it fun. So basically, alongside of helping couples with that communication, because you know, we've created these specific questions that are repeatable the first in the first place. And also, we've, I mean, we've spent a lot of time you know, creating the questions in order to make them askable In a way that they are not judgmental in any way. And they don't come across as accusatory in any way, you know, because what we want is to help couples actually discuss things instead of blaming each other or anything like that.
Kristina Stubblefield 5:51
And I know, you had so much packed in that sentence that you first said that a mic, I know the direction you are going with that was in that sentence that she said in the beginning, I think there's so many times, there's so much more to a relationship, there's so much more to each person in the relationship, being able to dive deeper and learn more about somebody, you're making that connection, so much stronger, and you're really setting yourself up for a successful marriage.
Michael Gaddie 6:33
Well, what I like about this, too, and I'll be honest with you, I have not heard of this until today. So I'm excited that you're here. But what is so important to this is, you know, sometimes the couple and I'm just going to say it, sometimes this coupled, they get too hung up on the marriage and the party. And I say marriage, and I mean the vows and you know, walking down the aisle, I think if you start with something like this before you're even married, and that will help you communicate with each other. And I think it'll help you grow in the future after you are married.
Kristina Stubblefield 7:12
Well, and one thing that Diana even says it's about deeper conversations. It is about, like if everything was just roses, and there were no humps along the way, let's be honest, life happens, Dan, I'm not going to sit here unnecessarily give examples. But there are trials and tribulations that can involve other family members, not even anything with your own relationship with your spouse or your soon to be spouse. And it all comes back to that communication. It comes back to how what you know about each other, and how you all connect together to get through whatever comes up. In Diana, I really liked when you talked about the information you shared with us about those deeper connections, those deeper conversations,
Diana Indries 8:05
yes. Now I don't want to scare people off into them thinking that, you know, this will be like a tedious shrink type of session where they have to talk about their feelings, you know, throughout the game, it's not like that. It has some deeper questions, but it also has some lighter ones as well, you know, because, again, we put a big emphasis on the fun of it. Because usually, as people, you know, even as individuals, the more fun we have doing something, the more we are likely to do it for longer, and you know, multiple times as well. So basically, we want to help couples and encourage them to have those important discussions, not just once, you know, it's not just a one off conversation, we talked about this, we're not going to revisit this in 30 years, you know, it's about keep having the important discussions and keeping them in the relationship. Because what I found from working with many couples is that this is what actually leads to most of the breakup reasons. I mean, very rarely is just a one off episode that happened. And then you know, the couple ends up in divorce or breaking up. Most times, it will be the small things that add up over the years. But those small things can be sorted if they actually have the conversations around those.
Kristina Stubblefield 9:27
So, so vital, I think, you know, back, and I'm sure it's still the same way. Now, you know, a lot of times or maybe every time you get married in your Catholic, you have to go through a set. I don't want to call it counseling. I don't want to call it classes.
Michael Gaddie 9:48
It is kinda like that, though. Yeah, it is. And it's not only Catholics because I'm a Christian and we had to do the exact same thing before we were married.
Kristina Stubblefield 9:57
Well, and I'll come out and say it you know, the fun Last time I was married, it was a Catholic wedding. And I can remember, it's the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to get all into the planning and all of that stuff. But guess what? You can't walk down the aisle if you do not do that. And I think when you start to mention about counseling, or therapist, or anything, there is such a negative to it. Thank you stigma. That's the word I was looking for not negative energy, but a stigma, where something like this can be fun, something you can do in your own home?
Michael Gaddie 10:35
Well, I think it's great, because, you know, I mean, I've been married almost 35 years. And sometimes I wish I had a card game to pull out to play with Pam, because I tell you what, sometimes when we get into arguments or disagreements, you know, we do she is the same. We get into argument we do not we don't argue, but you know, what we do we shut down and we don't talk. And I don't think that's good, either. And I think that's worse than just blowing up and getting it out of your system. So back to what you were saying just a minute ago, though, because every you could do this same thing every week. And your answers or your questions could be different, correct? I mean, your systems
Diana Indries 11:16
will be the same, because the question the answers will be different, the answers will will be different. Yes.
Kristina Stubblefield 11:24
And, you if you sit and think about this, it, it is a very adaptable way. And she did mention card game. But they also have a mobile version as well. It is a very adaptable piece that you can have in your life. That's what the times that if you don't want to do card game, you want to do more mobile, you're coming back to the core item that you're working on, which is part of the foundation of your relationship. Communication.
Diana Indries 11:58
I strongly suggest everyone to use this at least once. Because especially when you're in the dating phase, and leading up to the wedding, whether you've been for few years together, or just a few months, in my case, there will be many questions that you won't even think about, because first of all, you will be excited about the wedding planning, you will be you know, pulled to the left and the right about by everyone who wants to be involved and maybe help or I don't know, just, you know, be involved with that. And there will be many things that you won't even think of having to ask until it's maybe too late. You know, I've seen many couples where, you know, once they play there, they're like, well, now it makes sense. But I wish I would have known this years ago, you know, for example, in my case, with my husband, Robert, we got married very fast. I mean, very soon after we've met like in two months after we've been together, he proposed. And four months later, we had our wedding. And it's almost four years since that wedding. And one of the main main reasons why we hit it off so well from the very beginning, was because we asked each other all the important questions from the very beginning. And he actually told me after he proposed that he was sure that he's going to marry me in the second week that we've been together, he already knew he just waited slightly longer because he was testing his theory. And also because my birthday was coming up. So he actually wanted to do it as a surprise for my birthday. And communication is crucial. And again, since then, we actually we just talked about this the other night, we actually had only two arguments that were like real arguments. And both of them were before the wedding and related to the wedding.
Kristina Stubblefield 13:52
I'll be down. Okay, so let's go back to some tips. People aren't there. They don't feel comfortable taking any step yet. What are some tips that you suggest in regards to communication? Like you said, you you all ask each other all the right questions, what are some things that you suggest to couples that are listening to where they can really start with us?
Diana Indries 14:19
So first of all, obviously, they have to decide how comfortable they are with sharing. First of all, you know, that's that's the main thing. Because, you know, maybe one of the partners is very comfortable in asking very deep questions, but the other might not be so interested in sharing as much and they might not not be used to it simply. Again, in my case, that was my case. Actually, you know, most people think that women are the ones that are ready to talk about their feelings all the time and men are the ones that kind of had to shut down. Actually, in our relationship. It was the other way around. My husband was the one very ready to talk about things from the very beginning very openly. And I was the one who I'd reticent you know, and I was like, I'm not very comfortable in sharing everything, everything, you know, like all the deepest things and everything. So I actually had to work on that myself. So, you know, first of all, they have to get clear on what they want as individuals, I think this is the very first step and the most important one. And once they have that as sort of guidance and blueprint, they can sit down with their partner and actually have discussions around those things, you know, again, if they don't know exactly what to ask or how to ask it, even they can get the game, and the game will do that for them, I need to leave on spot, maybe new ideas and things to ask about. But first of all, I would suggest people to get clear what they want. And second, see where their partner is at about those same things, do they share the same values? You know, do they think similarly about the important things in life, you know, it doesn't really matter what type of culture or religion you're coming from. But if family values are important for both, it is very likely that this is going to work well, in the future. You know, again, my example with my husband, we are actually from different religions, both of us, you know, and one of the arguments we had before our wedding was about the church we were going to be married in, because I definitely wanted a certain church, although we're not very religious, you know, we're not really going to church that much. We are spiritual, though, you know, and we share many of the same values, as most religious people do. But, you know, I definitely wanted a specific church. And he wasn't really keen on any church, to be honest, you know, and then other people helping us with the organization of the wedding were involved that No, we should get married into this church and the other church and whatever, especially because logistically, it would have made sense, because we had to travel like ours, to basically comply with some traditions, they had to come to my parents house, which was an hour away, and then an hour away back to the church. And then again, another hours traveled to the actual restaurant where the party was. So because of logistics, another church would have made a lot more sense. But I was definitely set on this one specific one. Again, once we talked about it, and I explained to him why you know that George is important to me, specifically, he understood and he agreed to it. And most importantly, he was on my side, and he defended me every time everyone else tried to change our minds about it. So you know, once you understand your partner, you can actually support them in their ideas, because you understand where they're coming from, and why they have certain beliefs, why they feel a certain way about things.
Kristina Stubblefield 17:57
The one thing, Mike, that I think of when I just listened to her talk about that, is listening. There's so much involved with listening to your partner. You know, sometimes I don't let Josh get too many words in. And, you know, in business, we talk about the power of listening, you can learn a lot, what information should you put out there to your audience and things like that. But in a relationship, you can learn a lot about your other your significant other, but also, it probably helps with communication as well, when you're actually letting the person explain how they feel where they're coming from, instead of assuming, or thinking one thing. And I know, we're circling back around to communication, but I think a lot of times, and it's something that I'm not always the best at if I'm being honest, listening to your partner, is is crucial.
Michael Gaddie 18:58
Well, I know we're talking about listening and communication and all that. But tell me this, Diana, if if I'm sitting down with a couple, which I usually sit down with 10 to 15 couples awake, how and what wording? Should I used to promote what you've got going on here? You know, what I mean? How can I how can I say you need to get involved with this
Kristina Stubblefield 19:25
and know what your I know what you're saying? Because you know that this is a helpful tool. Exactly. And you also probably witness them may be kind of not being on the same page over their florals or their rings or other things in how could you kind of just segue in
Michael Gaddie 19:44
I cannot promote this for them to say hey, you know what, I think you ought to look into this. What should I do? What should I asking
Kristina Stubblefield 19:52
about to not offend them? Exactly. Not to be like, Hey, you, you need help with communication. You need to get this like I know what you're Saying, Dianna, give it to him.
Diana Indries 20:03
So basically, you could use the angle of a game together. And from the same point of view how, you know, in team buildings in companies, many times we send them off to do fun things together. Because that brings the group together and the strengthens the bond. It's basically the same thing with couples as well, you know, you can say something along the lines of guys, look, I see, you know, you kind of communicate with each other, you know, you have your connection, always nice and well, but you can strengthen that to a deeper level, you know, make it even greater start off the marriage, basically, with a more not bigger bond, but like a bigger connection, you know, with each other. And you can do it in a fun way with this game. You know, because it is a game at the end of the day, it brings the fun in the relationship at the end of the day. And it also helps with those important topics of the relationship itself.
Kristina Stubblefield 21:01
You know, Mike, I like where you're going with this is because when you're having a vendor meeting with a couple, you're seeing a glimpse of maybe a breakdown in communication, maybe a non listening, and to be able to say, Hey, you're all engaged. Have you all heard about this great, new game that's available? That's what I like that. And I see where you're going. Because just speaking up, just offering it just being like, you know, because it really is kind of like an education piece. It's a tool to use in your relationship, you technically could be helping provide a stepping stone in their marriage.
Michael Gaddie 21:51
Well, sometimes when the couples come in, I mean, believe this or not, I have a lot more grooms over the last few years come in and join the bride and the mother, which there for many, many years, I didn't see that I was just seeing the mom and the bride. But I mean, just like yesterday, I met with eight couples and every groom was there. Bali. Yes, that's awesome. No, but the thing about it is, this is the deal, half the time that the groom will take charge. And the bride says nothing. Or the bride says everything and looks at him and says, Is this okay? And he's like, whatever you want. But I mean, I feel like that's communication. And I don't feel like couples should start out. Not communicating. You know, I mean, I mean, I feel like it's, it's not communicating that early before they're married. It's not going to work. And I hate to say it, and I shouldn't say this. But I mean, you're going to I'm going to, but I mean, I have seen many couples that doesn't last, you know, and the bride comes back to me, and I've done their second and third wedding. Maybe it's me, I'm not real sure. But no, I'm gonna do flowers. But I'll tell you what I mean, it's just that it's so important about the communication. And I think this is a one major key that could help couples, especially young couples.
Kristina Stubblefield 23:18
Diana, one of the other things that I'd like to touch on, Mike, those are really great points. But one thing we haven't talked about, we live in a completely different world now. Then, when we were these younger couples getting married, when we were their age, I'm texting, social media, I have witnessed since, um, things are have opened back up and people are out to eat more and things like that. Josh and I have sat and I cannot believe the tables. I've actually seen people texting each other. At the same table. It is a bit obvious. They are texting each other and they're sitting across from each other. And Diana, I think a tool like this, like, like, I need to tell her how great her product is. I really don't but when we live in this digital age, and I'm not one to knock social media, but I see my nieces, my nephews my cousin's growing up. The face to face communication is not there. I can't even imagine a relationship like that Josh and I both are more to talk on the phone than we are to text back and forth like there are times we need to text each other. But Diane, I'm sure you've seen and heard things from I just think about these younger couples that they're DMing each other on Instagram and okay, you're married you live in the same house. I mean, I would think We're back to communication. It is a whole nother animal when you're married. So Diana, I'm sure you've heard some things about that.
Diana Indries 25:07
Yes. So I personally am somewhat in between these type of generations. So I'm still from a generation where meeting someone face to face was very much key, you know, instead of just texting. However, I am still like somewhat progressing towards texting more. Interestingly enough, during the day as well with my husband, although we both work from home, I know it sounds crazy. But what we are actively doing about it is that whenever my husband has some time, and he does, he's not on calls, because if he's on calls, nobody can sit around them, he's just, you know, but if he's not on calls, and he can just do working on his laptop, he will literally take his laptop and come downstairs and just spend some time here with me, you know, in the same room, maybe, maybe talk with each other as well, you know, in the meantime, or, you know, me bothering him from his task, you know, whatever it is, we are here, because another side of communication other than the words and the questions we're using, and the answers we're giving a big side of that is the nonverbal communication, you know, so whenever you talk to someone, if it's on the phone, you cannot always grasp exactly the feeling they had behind what they said. Whereas if you see them, you see their face, you see their gestures, you see whether they are honest, you see whether they and you can sense this as well, many times through speaking, but mostly, if you see the person, even if you cannot exactly pinpoint what it is, you can tell if there's something wrong when someone tells you something, and whether you should trust that 100% are not really you know, and I think that all these elements together, make a good communication, there isn't just one type or one, I mean, I cannot just sit here and say, oh, you should just talk more. And you know, whether we talk on the phone, or in real life, it's actually all of them together, you know, that actually lead to good communication. Now, I understand that there are people who cannot really express themselves, face to face as well, you know, they cannot really express their feelings as well, mainly because they haven't been taught how. And, again, I come from a family where we don't necessarily tell each other that we love each other, you know, with my parents and with my brother and stuff, but we definitely show it to each other, you know, by even, you know, cooking a great meal for one another or seeing each other every so often or helping each other out with things around the house. So we do still feel loved or low, we don't share it necessarily in words. And again, if someone else's love language is different than my they might not feel loved at all. But you know, all of these things can be solved with actual communication, you know, and if the communication has all its elements there, so the two partners willing to discuss a bit of fun as well, why not because you know, the communication and the things we deal with our partners, doesn't have to be tedious, you know, it can still be fun, the communication doesn't have to be sober and very, you know, serious, it can also be lighter, you know, communication is done, even if we talk about our favorite food, for example, you know, it doesn't have to be always that serious one. But still, even that small thing actually can help us understand our partner better. Because
what I think is most important about it is that, if we don't ask, we will never know exactly what's happening. And how you very nicely said earlier, don't assume. Because whether you've been with your partner for a day, a week or 3040 years, never assume that you exactly know what's in their mind and their head and how they feel about certain things. Unless you ask, you know, and, again, I come from a family where my mom is very strong character very, you know, social, and my dad is the laid back one. And many times I've seen her taking decisions for both of them, and not even asking my dad because she would say like, you know, I know he will anyway agree to this. And many times I asked her, I don't know if he's actually happy with your decision, or he's not willing to put in the effort to fight you for it. You know, like, I don't know which one it is out of the two. So with my husband, I actually had to consciously train myself to ask him about things, you know, because I would just, especially because I've been alone for so many years, you know, I would decide something I would just do it. So with my husband, I actually had to, it wasn't a big effort, but still it was some effort on my side, but I had to sit back and actually asked him like, by the way, I want to do this. What do you think, you know, like, I want us to go there. What do you think do you want to come do you not want to come? Although I knew his schedule, I still asked him like, do you actually want to come do you You actually want to go there? Do you want to actually meet those people, or you would just rather stay home? Like that's an option as well, let's discuss. And, again, don't assume and make sure that you actually talk with your partner. Because if you don't talk with your partner, who is basically your closest teammate there is, then who are you going to talk to you? You know, what's the point in going out and talking with your friends who cannot really help you in your relationship, maybe we just some advice that might or might not be suitable to your circumstance, you know, if you don't talk with your own partner, who you're going to trust, then if not, the person that chooses to be with you, like family, they their family, they cannot really say they had the choice in it. But your partner is someone who is, you know, this new person that comes into your life and chooses consciously to be with you day in, day out. So if you don't keep in touch with them, if you don't make sure the communication with your partner is on point, then with who, you know,
Kristina Stubblefield 31:01
oh, my goodness, I first of all, I got three things I want to talk about with what she just said. Number one, how many times do we think about the importance of your partner chose to be with you? And what if we reminded ourselves of that every week, every day? Like, there are times that I feel like, I know, I probably take that for granted? No, I do take that for granted. And it's not something I intentionally do. Maybe it's just not that when she said that, that struck me that my partner chose I don't know why. But he chose to be with me. And that is a higher wording than the word respect, in my opinion. I agree. And would you say about turning to friends or turning to this person, you are then not turning to the one person that chose to spend their life with you. And I gotta be honest, when you know, Josh and I were were older, when we got married, even though we went to school together, we grew up three houses down from each other. He hadn't lived with someone for quite a while he made his own decisions. And she made a very valid point. kind of saw what I and you're taking those two worlds and putting them together? And what how she just said it about like, I want to go and do this would you like to come with but if you don't want to completely understand just that respect issue of asking of your partner. It's amazing how it circles right back around to communication. Well,
Michael Gaddie 32:47
it does. You're exactly right. And, and actually, I've had a little lesson here myself, because very seldom, I mean, we do don't get me wrong, and when we've done something right to be together as long as we have,
Kristina Stubblefield 32:59
but because she's a saint, she's not here. So I'm gonna say that she is a saint,
Michael Gaddie 33:03
but I tell you what, you know, you know, we will make plans, she'll make plans, and I'll just do it. I'll make plans. She'll just do it. You know, the thing about it is, if we communicate aim, we're not happy about it. Okay, yes, we'll do that because you've made plans to do it. But we've never carried on a conversation about it. And that's really made me stop and think, hey, Pam, do you want to go have dinner with these people? Or do you want to go to my mom's? Or do I want to go to her mom's? Or what
Kristina Stubblefield 33:34
do you normally say, now? We're not doing a therapy session, but we don't but no, do you go and be like, Pam, we're at seven o'clock. We're going over to someone's house to have dinner.
Michael Gaddie 33:43
Yes. Michael, but she does the same thing to me. And and I'm not kidding. I just sitting here listening to Diana is like I say
Kristina Stubblefield 33:53
that because I know I've done it to Josh to that. I said that to you. I've been like they're grilling out at seven o'clock. We're gonna right up there in
Michael Gaddie 34:03
and it calls it causes friction. And because it's not, there's no communication there.
Kristina Stubblefield 34:09
Josh, you usually doesn't say anything about it. But the non spoken words that she mentioned earlier, that could build up that could turn into something else that is not needed. Yes. And oh, my goodness,
Michael Gaddie 34:23
Diane, thank you so much. Because I tell you that that's you just woke me up today. I guess I need to text my wife and tell her I love her.
Kristina Stubblefield 34:33
But what she said about nonverbal communication. I mean, we could talk about this for hours. You have people that are couples that are working from home together to completely separate ends of the house. And what she just mentioned about her husband coming in with the laptop, at least they're in the same room. Yes, they have work to conduct but it's that that respect thing that hey, I do want to spend time with you. Yes, I still have to work. We don't You don't talk a lot about this is gonna sound silly, you don't talk a lot about nonverbal communication. And we've, we've got some years under our belt. And for us to be sitting here saying this, what about these younger couples? In like she mentioned? What if you knew some of this at the beginning of
Michael Gaddie 35:24
the beginning and not wait till the end? Yeah. Or in the middle?
Kristina Stubblefield 35:28
Diana, this has been incredible like, this has been an absolute fabulous conversation. And I gotta be honest, I am really excited to hear feedback we get from people about just some of the questions, the things we post, how we've opened up in Diana has to about our own relationships, like, we are all human. And we can all be very vulnerable. Life is not this just amazing painted picture. And if it is for you, awesome, what great. But there are ways to get through it. And the person you're probably going to turn to is the one that has chose you. This is going to stay with me for probably the rest of my life, Diana, and I cannot wait to share with people what your mission is and what your product is, and how it can be a tool not only for those that are engaged or just newly married. But like Mike, you pointed out, you've been married for X number of years for many years. And this could be a tool for you all to use.
Diana Indries 36:39
Yeah, one of the best feedbacks I still warmly think of today is from a couple who knows us, you know, they're friends with us. And they've been married for over 34 years now. And when we've launched better topics, because we've launched it with a Kickstarter campaign, they decided to back us on it, because, you know, they know us, they like us and so on. But they were like, we don't really need it. You know, we've been married 3040 years, we know everything about each other, the relationship is going well. And I was like, Well, you know, thank you for backing us. But once you get the game, would you mind us playing it because I kind of need some feedback on it, you know, even even if it's just about the quality of the cards, maybe or anything that you can, because obviously, I look at this game with like parents eyes, because I've created this game together with my husband, so is basically our first baby. But you know, I wanted some objective opinions on it as well, you have
Kristina Stubblefield 37:35
done pretty good and like, you've done pretty good for this to be your first baby.
Diana Indries 37:43
And, you know, they actually came back to me with amazing feedback about the game. And they also said that, you know, listen, we've been married for 30 odd years now. And you know, the communication is good. Like we're talking about things. However, these games still row some very interesting questions, and actually helped us look at things from a very different perspective. And ask each other questions that we wouldn't normally ask. So for example, one of my favorite favorite questions is, when did you need me most last week and I wasn't there? You know? And the sister of this question is, when did you need me? Least? And so when did you want me to give you more space last week? And I haven't. And even just these two simple questions together make such a massive difference, you know? Because
Kristina Stubblefield 38:34
Are you following us? Okay, you're just you've got this look on your face, like it's resonating is what you're saying is without words,
Michael Gaddie 38:42
these card games.
Kristina Stubblefield 38:46
But those two simple questions, like she just said, if they're not willing to just tell you, and they need to be asked so you get their feedback. You can be a better partner in life.
Diana Indries 39:03
Yes. And, you know, the more often you ask these questions, the after a while you can see a pattern when what type of situations are the ones where your partner needs more support, and you don't usually are there to support them, you know, and as you recognize those patterns, you can be there in the future for your partner when similar situations arise. And equally when they need more space, you know, so I think even just these two questions are so powerful in improving things in a relationship, even just thinking about them, you know, even when you ask them when you think about yourself, when did I need time and I haven't had any or when, when, you know, my partner needed the most and I wasn't there as they wanted me to be.
Kristina Stubblefield 39:51
I am sitting here thinking thinking, how I opening every question and the answer could be as a nugget to better to have a better relationship.
Michael Gaddie 40:08
Like we can improve ourselves for our relationship, but you're not
Kristina Stubblefield 40:12
only just going to improve the relationship with your spouse, or your significant other, you're probably going to implement it in other things. If you're a business owner, with your friends, even though that this is geared towards your relationship, the tools that you learn along the way you tend to carry on. And I think about if Josh gave me that answer, I would take it to heart, because I'm hearing him say, I needed you blank. When you weren't there. What like, I didn't recognize there's a time that I could have been there for you. And I wasn't. Wow, like that. That is my emotional. Yes. And I think Diana to another thing is, it would be really important to be very honest, and open with your answers.
Diana Indries 41:05
Yes, that's why we've actually focused very much on making it a game. But before saying a bit more about that, I just want to go back a bit and say that couples, some couples actually use the game with their children's as well. So there are some questions with which are obviously very couple focus, then obviously, you can ask only your partner. But the questions that made sense for them, they actually asked their children to so they actually suggested for us to make a specific card game, you know, for couples, for parents and children, because they would very much love to use that. Because they already started using some of these questions with their children. And the kids loved it as well, you know, because they've been asked certain things that they haven't been asked before, you know, and they felt their parents pay more attention to what they feel and what's going on with them through these questions. So, you know, going back to the honesty in the answer is yes. And one of the main reasons why we wanted to keep this a fun game, is that when we play games, generally, we tend to be more relaxed, and there is no pressure, you know, we don't feel like we're judged. We're just playing and we are more, we're more likely to actually be honest in our answers, and more, let's say give better and more specific answers, rather than just yes or no type of question. And again, we worked so hard on the questions, to formulate them in a way that again, they are not judged, they are not playful in any way. And also, you cannot really give a yes or no answer to them. You know, you have to elaborate? Because that's what good communication is not just yes or no, it's okay, how, what actually happened? How did that made you feel? You know, how did you react to that and things like this? Obviously, you can use the font elements like cancel the question, if you really don't want to answer it, and it's too deep for you. Or something that actually suggested to a couple to do because the lady of the couple actually get back to me and said that her boyfriend is not willing to discuss things with her. And you know, especially because they started off with the deeper questions. So what I suggested is for her to actually take out the deep questions, or the ones she thinks that would be too difficult for her partner to answer those aside, because there's so many questions, you can still play it, you know, if you remove some chords is still fine, there are plenty to play with, it won't read the game itself. And then once he starts getting used to opening up, you know, to the lighter questions getting into the habit of playing the game, then she can gradually reintroduce the more difficult ones, basically increasing the difficulty, you know, the game in a way. Also, with the main deck, we give out six, what we call custom cards. So these are basically blank chords that the couples can use to either generate their own repeatable questions, if we haven't thought of anything that they would like to repeatedly ask their partner, or maybe just to simply add their own rewards if they have some specific rewards that we haven't thought of, you know, and they would like to add to it. So basically, they can tailor the game to suit their specific relationship, because obviously, each relationship is different.
Kristina Stubblefield 44:20
Wow. Oh, my goodness, like, so I want to circle back real quick. I like what she said to about not every relationship is the same. But I wanted to circle back around to what she mentioned about the kids, like, you know, that's not necessarily what our podcast is about. But one thing I would like to add to that is going through a pandemic. I think, you know, a lot of kids are still struggling with, you know, how everything kind of stopped and things like that, and I'm no expert in that field, but helping with the communication of that how they're feeling where they're at, when she touched on that about being able to use some of those questions towards kids, I could see that being a very powerful tool, definitely also as you become new parents, and again, I don't have kids so little difficult for me to speak on. I could think utilizing something like this could help you establish good communication from the start, just like we talked about from the start of your relationship. And this is not very often are we speechless. I am speechless, honestly, when something is so impactful, and you see the opportunities for how it can be helpful, and really helping with successful relationships and marriages. For me personally, why we do what we do is also to help people help provide education help provide tips kind of help guide you to so you can get to what you want out of your wedding, and you're moving into marriage. So for something like this, that we can share with our audience, that this could not just impact one couple, many couples, but could also impact their other family members, but years to go in their relationships. And that means
Michael Gaddie 46:20
this is a tool that they can use many, many, many years down the line. And I mean, really, this should be the first podcast episode on us that you could have listened to, before we even get into the marriage. I mean, I think it's so important,
Kristina Stubblefield 46:37
and we're seeing the word tool, but I think we should better frame it as a game. This isn't going to school, this isn't taking a class, this isn't any of this not going to a therapist, it's not go into an office to sit down and tell somebody, everything this, that and the other. This is a game that you can embrace as a couple, which it is a tool to help you with better communication. Well,
Michael Gaddie 47:01
like how you said Diana, bed, it by calling it a game, it's your you're more comfortable. And you're not forced to say something that you really don't want to say. And it's it's more of an a fun atmosphere.
Kristina Stubblefield 47:16
And you can get out of a question. Yeah, you're not comfortable too, but I can see what she said about growing into or getting more comfortable as you go. And the stigma is gone. Because you've said it's, it's a game, it's something for you to do together, and embrace. And that, to me is very powerful.
Michael Gaddie 47:35
This whole thing has been very powerful. Diana,
Diana Indries 47:38
alongside the actual communication and the knowledge that comes from that, you know, and the, the plans and all of that, we also have the rewards, which again, alongside you know, couples having communication, we also encourage them to do things together. And these rewards are things that most couples can do, you know, we focused on the small daily things and the things that everyone can do really, you know, so is anything from a 20 minute foot massage, you know, for the winner of the game, to maybe choosing a movie that they like maybe to go into a restaurant that they like, or, you know, doing a surprise for them once a week, or flowers or breakfast in bed or you know, the small things that add up over time, you know, and actually improve the relationship. So instead of focusing on the bad things that keep happening that we don't like, we can focus on the positive ones that we do with great intentions to grow the relationship regularly, instead of just waiting for the once a year one off type of surprise, which yes, they are still great. I'm not gonna say no, but they are very rare. Whereas the relationship is kept and grown by the small things that we do every day not by those one of surprises. I
Michael Gaddie 49:02
just I'm sitting here thinking of 100 things I need to do now. Hours do card something
Diana Indries 49:11
like nothing because you don't have to do all of them in one day. You know, you can space them out and
Michael Gaddie 49:16
you can batch Pamono something is up what have you all who y'all been talking to?
Kristina Stubblefield 49:22
What is going on? Oh, that that could mean. But I really like about that it truly being a game and you getting rewards. And also in those rewards. You're also going to learn more about your partner and wow, this is just okay, Diana, I know we could talk forever. I really am. I feel blessed and I think Mike does too. That we were able to connect like honestly like I know it is so important about the people, the guests that we have have on our podcasts and the message that we share out there. And I really do think I could speak on behalf of Mike to think of that. We feel blessed that we can share this with our audience. Definitely. Because the impact that this can have yours, you can't even see into the future. Exactly, yeah. So thank you so much. Yes. Before you go, I would like you to take just an opportunity to share how can people connect with you. And of course, in the show notes in the social media that we put out in regards to this episode, we'll have all of that information. But just before we go, if you wrap it up by sharing more about it, how they can connect with you, and all of that great stuff.
Diana Indries 50:42
So first of all, thank you guys so much for having me on on your podcast today. I actually had so much fun. And I think it's one of the best podcasts I've been on so far.
Michael Gaddie 50:52
Oh, thank you.
Diana Indries 50:56
Before I actually let people know where, where can they find me, there are two things I want to say. And the first one is, is sort of, let's say advice ish. When they go through the preparation for the wedding, one thing to keep in mind is to ask themselves, at each opportunity of an argument, would this actually count in the long run? Would this actually help the relationship? Because the wedding is just a milestone in the actual relationship? The wedding is one point and is not worth sacrificing everything just for that one night of party to be exact and perfect, and the way you've dumped it? Yes, I understand why No, many people have this vision about it, I get it. But just keep in mind whether if it's that argument, that one thing that you really don't want to leave, is it worth it in the long run? Again, in my example, that one, church was very important, and I couldn't leave it. But there were so many other elements into the wedding that I wasn't bothered about, because I always thought that in the long run, I don't really care in 10 years, if I look at the pictures, I won't care that element was there or wasn't there, you know, things like the I don't know, the napkin colors, let's say, I didn't care of those because I knew nobody even cares about them. I never cared when I went to other weddings, and I won't care in 10 years either. I would rather keep my sanity and my relationship intact. Perfect.
Kristina Stubblefield 52:31
That is a very powerful tip. I just wrote down a note that we are going to highlight that specific clip on social media because the way you said that is perfect, perfect. Perfect.
Diana Indries 52:43
Thank you so much. And again, before I go, I just want to share a very big win for better topics. And it is the England prestige awards for the most innovative gaming Product of the Year. That butter topics has won recently. And I am super proud of this award. I've posted about it on our on our Instagram. I'm about to post about it on our blog as well. Right now this award literally comes with me everywhere I've been to the gym with it, I've been to get my nails done with it. And it's funny because I have a small bag so help with pokes out anyway. So that's a really good conversation starter. You know, people keep asking me like, what is that? Why do you carry with me, also is very heavy. You know, it's quite big and very heavy. And people keep asking me like, why do you carry that with you? And I'm like, You know what, even if it breaks my arm, I'll still carry it because I'm so proud of it. And I want to show it off to everyone.
Kristina Stubblefield 53:38
Congratulations, congratulations. Absolutely. Thank
Diana Indries 53:41
you. And for those who want to find me, they can find me either at you know, on our website, which is bettertopics.com We have a forum there that they can reach me through. They can also found Find us on all social media platforms. So Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. TikTok, literally any platform you think of I'm definitely there already.
Kristina Stubblefield 54:09
Remembered almost all of them. Yes. Very good. Yes. Well, thank you so much. And we'll have linked to your social media to your website, all included for people to get access to. And Diana, it means a lot the time that you've taken not only with me and Mike today, but what you have shared with our audience. packs a punch and I think in a great way.
Michael Gaddie 54:34
Definitely. Thank you so much. Well, I appreciate
Diana Indries 54:37
you. Thank you as well. Thanks.
Kristina Stubblefield 54:45
Forms and follow them. I have a feeling Mike. There is more to come from this company, don't you? Yes, I do believe it. Yes. And so thankful to have had the opportunity to Connect with Diana. And so for all of our listeners out there, please go check out their website. And as always, we'd love to hear your feedback about this episode or any of the previous ones we've done. And if you like what you've heard, you know, Sharon's not here. We're thinking about her. She's here in spirit. But Mike, what is her favorite saying,
Michael Gaddie 55:18
give us a five, a glowing five star review
Kristina Stubblefield 55:23
on your favorite podcast platform. So thank you for all of our listeners for tuning in. Diana, thank you again for joining us. And until next time, everyone, take care.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of The Ring The Bling And All The Things. If you liked what you heard, make sure to hit the subscribe or follow button on your favorite podcast platform to get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, ringblingallthethings.com where you can join our email list and get notifications about new episodes and other information. You can also follow us on your favorite social media platforms.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Creator and CEO of Better Topics
Co-owner, Co-creator, and CEO of Better Topics Card Game for Couples.
Helped thousands of couples in over 170 different countries improve their relationship and communicate more effectively whilst still having fun by playing the Better Topics Game for Couples. A game that encourages couples to have those much-needed deep conversations, but with the fun and light-heartedness of a game.
The best part is that Better Topics is a repeatable game, so couples can play this over and over again.
The game also won the Innovative Gaming Product of the Year 2021/22 at the Central England Prestige Awards.