Choosing Your Wedding Squad

Sharon Rumsey  0:00  

It's time to draft your team. pick those captains and get ready for game day.

Kristina Stubblefield  0:04  

Who you ask just sitting beside you on wedding day is a major decision. There's a lot to consider before asking someone to fill that role.

Michael Gaddie  0:13  

In this episode, we are talking all things wedding party, aka, your wedding squad.

Kristina Stubblefield  0:19  

You got engaged. Congratulations. Happy. Yes, joyful time. Of course. Now what timelines to do lists and checklists. 100% Don't worry, you're in the right place. Welcome to the ring, the bling, and all the things. Hi, I'm Kristina Stubblefield, one of your hosts, along with my two good friends, Michael Gaddie and Sharon Rumsey. We have over 50 years of wedding industry experience between us. We have seen it, heard it, done it and found a way around it. We are here to get you from down on one knee to down the aisle. Our podcast will cover everything from you saying yes to the I do's and all that happens in between. So buckle up and enjoy the journey. Now let's get started with this episode.

We have another listener of the week that we're going to share. This person says fabulous podcast. Oh, this is from Dee Nichter. I've watched all these today and I love them. They always have great guest awesome tips. And you know, you can always have a few laughs while listening. Guys. She's right about that. And she, these three are great together. Looking forward to many more. Thank you Dee Nichter, we really appreciate you sharing with us and writing a review. If you love listening to our podcast, please take just a moment and go to our website or on your favorite podcast platform. Subscribe, download our episodes and write us a review. Now let's just hop right into this episode.

Sharon Rumsey  2:17  

Mike and Kristina, I'm excited for this episode. I feel like it's going to bring out a lot of feelings and a lot of engaged couples. Do you guys remember when we were in school and you would play kickball or volleyball or something? And you pick teams? Yes, absolutely. Okay, just like you would be in school and want to pick your perfect team or a coach wants to pick their perfect team, a bride and groom they want to pick the perfect team to be part of their bridal party on wedding day. But there's so much to it.

Kristina Stubblefield  2:51  

Well, Sharon, why would they want to pick their perfect team? Like you're saying?

Sharon Rumsey  2:55  

Well, when you think about your bridal party, those are the people that are going to be with you for every step of the planning process. They're standing up there with you on the most important day of your life. So you really, really want to consider carefully the people that you choose. You don't want to be forced into picking someone by a mom or in an enter.

Kristina Stubblefield  3:19  

I'm supposed to have this family member. Yeah, Mike, you've seen this before. I'm supposed to invite this person because they've been a family friend for 10 years.

Sharon Rumsey  3:27  

Yeah, I really want to choose carefully. And just

Michael Gaddie  3:29  

because you were friends with them, where you grew up with them or their family or a brother or sister that does not mean they need to be part of your squad that day. So we're

Sharon Rumsey  3:39  

going to cover a lot of things. Today we're going to talk about proposing to your bridal party, how it's so fun. Like how do you ask once you do decide who those special people are? How do you ask them to be a part of your wedding. But before we get to that, let's talk about how we narrow that list down and who those people actually should be.

Kristina Stubblefield  4:01  

One of the things I'd like to share with our listeners is if this is a good topic for you, or you'd like to hear more, we really went deep in this when we first launched, it's one of our first episodes. Maybe one of my favorite titles. Do you all remember the title of that episode? the F word and the a team. Remember Sharon was all you Sharon. Sharon, I think that was all you What did that stand for? Do you remember? fenders? That's right. So you can go back in our past episodes if you really like this topic because we covered a lot of great information. But today we're going even further into your wedding squad.

Sharon Rumsey  4:42  

We are actually going into a bridal party.

Michael Gaddie  4:46  

So what's the average number of brides maids or groomsmen that you should have in your wedding party?

Sharon Rumsey  4:55  

I would say I don't know what the average is my bed guess would be five to six on each side. However, I've done weddings with as many as 11 or 12 on each side, and six kids. It's like herding cats all day. It's crazy.

Michael Gaddie  5:15  

And that's one thing this past weekend, or just yesterday, to be honest with you, I talked to a bride and groom, and they have 12 bridesmaids and 12 groomsmen, and you know, I always laugh at them and say, Whoa, it was hard to decide when Oh, and the first thing she said was, Oh, well, I had I went to school with this person, and I was in her wedding. And he said the same thing. You know, just because you have not seen that person. You know, you probably haven't seen that person for five or six years. That doesn't mean you have to have them in your wedding.

Kristina Stubblefield  5:47  

And Sharon, that you may have a different twist on the more the merrier, because that's a lot of people to heard,

Sharon Rumsey  5:54  

I actually do have a different twist on it. What it really comes down to though is if, if those people if there are literally like Mike, just use an example, 12 people, if there are 12 people that are that important to you, and that close to you, and that's special to you sign him up, we'll figure it out. But if you're doing it out of, you know, honestly, it's all in my opinion, it's usually cousins. They feel like they can't ask one cousin that they are really close to without asking the other cousins that maybe they're not as close to. And I've had brides even that say, Well, she was my college roommate. But she graduated from college 10 years ago. And they really haven't hung out a lot since like, those kinds of things. I think you just need to really evaluate Well, I

Michael Gaddie  6:45  

think, you know, you may still want that person or you may still talk to that person over the years and you haven't seen him for really 10 years. But I mean, there's other ways that you can get them involved in your wedding other than being a bridesmaid and walking down the aisle. I mean, you know, they can, if they're musically inclined, they can play a song they can sing a song. They can even read a chapter out of the Bible or a verse or something like that. They can be involved in different many ways. Where you don't have to have a hurdle of cat

Sharon Rumsey  7:14  

right they can man your guest book for you handout programs. Usher's sure Asher's

Kristina Stubblefield  7:20  

Yes, Sharon, one of the other things you deal a lot with people's schedules. I mean, if you have 12, bridesmaid and 12 groomsmen, you've got your engaged couple. I'm not the best at math. But isn't that 26 different schedules, because they've got to get fitted for dresses, possibly tuxes, you run into a lot of logistical problems.

Sharon Rumsey  7:45  

Transportation, you know, you go from needing a little Mercedes Sprinter party bus to you need a shuttle. You know, not only is that more money, it's bigger to park. You know, it's not as party atmosphere, sometimes as a small party bus, you also run into your floral bill is going to be higher, because every bridesmaid is going to need Okay, every groomsmen is going to need a boot near. And then I mean, I even had a wedding recently where they didn't all fit in the front of the church. When we lined them up, they didn't, you know, they didn't fit in the front of the church. So there's just a lot of things to think. And like I said, if it's important to you, and you look at that list of the people and you cannot imagine one of those people not standing up there with you. Then you you tell your wedding planner that and she'll figure it out. You know, Mike's

Kristina Stubblefield  8:41  

and Sharon mentioned that I didn't even think about the transportation part. And there's there if you're not getting married and your reception at the same place, or you're going somewhere to take photos.

Michael Gaddie  8:53  

Well, and the transportation is a real big thing. But also when you look at and share oh no this when you when they're planning their bachelor or bachelorette party. The thing now is people are traveling, you know, to try to coordinate 12 people not just with transportation, but traveling to another state or another city to have a party. That's going to be very difficult to

Sharon Rumsey  9:15  

Yes.

Kristina Stubblefield  9:16  

I hadn't even thought about that. Sharon, that's a really good point.

Sharon Rumsey  9:18  

Yeah. So you know, you want all the people that are special to you for sure. But you don't. You don't want to feel guilted or pressured into having someone.

Michael Gaddie  9:30  

Well another thing about picking your squad is when it comes to maid of honors and best man. It doesn't always have to be a male gender or a female gender play in those parts. It can also be you know, if I've got a best friend that's a woman, she can be my grooms woman, or the lady can be the groomsmen can be the best man. I mean that made of man or however you want to

Kristina Stubblefield  9:55  

share and she'll know she'll know the answer to that.

Sharon Rumsey  9:59  

It's a grams, grams made and brides man.

Unknown Speaker  10:04  

Yeah, wow,

Sharon Rumsey  10:04  

I just did a wedding a couple weeks ago, and bride and groom, and they each had an opposite sex best friend on their side for the bridal party. And it was so much fun. I mean, we had a blast with it.

Kristina Stubblefield  10:20  

Well, and anything goes, it's up to the couple, right? It's their special day we talked about

Sharon Rumsey  10:24  

that those people are the special people to them, they should 100% be up there. And they It used to be that if the bride had a best friend who was male, for example, the male would be a groomsmen and staying on the groom's side. But you know, forget that he's not the groom's best friend. He's the bride's best friend. So I 100% Thank you put people where they belong, if they are that special that brides hearth, and they stand on her side.

Michael Gaddie  10:54  

And you know, when it comes to dressing them also, less likely, I think we're talking about we are wedding. But one of the grimms, one of the ladies was on the grim side. And she came in and she was fitted for a suit. And she was adorable. She looked right. So

Kristina Stubblefield  11:08  

yeah, if possible, do you think that we may be able to share that out? To our listeners? Sure.

Sharon Rumsey  11:13  

As long as the bride

Kristina Stubblefield  11:14  

is okay with it? Well, you know, that would be great to share some of that What else you got? Sharon, I know you have a lot of things, you've seen it, done it. We've talked about this before, what else you got? Well,

Sharon Rumsey  11:26  

I think especially when you're choosing, like Mike was just saying your maid of honor and your best man. Or, like we said vice versa. You really want to think about choosing that person even more wisely than your others because that person is going to have extra responsibilities. That person is going to be tasked with attending wedding meetings with you. They're going to be tasked with, you know, setting up that amazing group text for the bridal party, to where they keep everybody in check and make sure everybody's doing what they're supposed to do, they're going to go to your probably dress shopping with you, they're going to go to fittings with you, they're going to learn how to bustle your dress. And then on the day of even if you have a wedding planner, they're going to count on that maid of honor and that best man to do some extra duties. So when you choose that person, of course, you want it to be someone super special to you. But you also want to consider that person schedule. If you pick a maid of honor that lives in another state, she's not gonna be able to go to all those appointments with you, she's not going to be able to sit down and meet with your wedding planner for two hours over coffee. So you want to make sure that you choose someone not only that's close to you, but someone that is available to you. Well, I

Michael Gaddie  12:42  

know when I got married, I had really two good close friends. One of them was the party and type. One of them was the strict to follow the rule type. And I did that on purpose, which they were good friends of mine. But so you know, one, they split the responsibilities, one of them playing the bachelor party, the other one was more like taking care of me and make sure that I didn't get in trouble on that. So I mean, I think it's okay to if you can't decide on just one best man or maid of honor, you can have more than one. So you're seeing that more and more.

Sharon Rumsey  13:19  

I just did a wedding a few weeks ago and the bride had two sisters and she was very close to both of her sisters. So she had co maids of honor. And and it was kind of like just what you were describing. You know, I knew which maid of honor to call for which task because I knew their personalities. I also think that it's really important when you ask someone to be a maid of honor a best man or even just a member of the broader party. That should be really honest and clear about your expectations. Once again, budget, I think you need to let them know about what it's going to cost them to do this because it's not cheap to be especially a bridesmaid. Not only do you purchase a dress, hair and makeup average, probably between 150 and $200. For a bridesmaid, there's usually shoes to purchase, there's jewelry to purchase, there's undergarments to purchase, they usually are going to travel and do some type of bachelorette party that they're going to pitch in on. So I think it's just really important to be honest and to give people grace. If if it's something that they aren't comfortable doing.

Michael Gaddie  14:28  

Well, something that I think is really important too is just because, say, Julie over here asked me to be in their wedding six years ago, that does not mean that you have to ask God to be in your wedding 100% because sometimes I feel like they're not even close relationship. Relationships change yearly nowadays. So just don't feel like you have to ask them just because you were in their wedding.

Kristina Stubblefield  14:53  

Well, I think now would be a great time to share. If people haven't already heard that we've put together Our first boot camp. And I think what we want people to know is that it is available on our website. And we dive into the difference between maid or matron of honors, versus bridesmaid. And Sharon, there's a lot of topics in that boot camp. If you feel like you'd rather be more informed and be able to show up, then make sure you go to our website and check out that information. I know, we got a lot of topics to cover. But I just wanted to tell people that because we've had people asking,

Sharon Rumsey  15:32  

we're really excited. I think it's also important to remember that if you do have that bridesmaid that says I'm sorry, I just am not in a live position right now to afford this, I just can't do it, here are your choices. You pay her expenses for her, which might make her uncomfortable. So you need to have that discussion. Or you let her have another role in the wedding. Maybe, you know, you're you're making, you're making signs, you're using your Cricut. And you're making all your wedding signs. Maybe that's something she's really good at and she could help with. So there's a lot of different ways to include people without putting them up front and making them pay the money. And also with

Michael Gaddie  16:17  

that if a if you ask someone and they respond and say, says I really cannot afford to do this right now, don't get your feelings hurt, right, turn around and do what you just said and have them participate in a different way.

Kristina Stubblefield  16:30  

One of the age old sayings may fit in here. Honesty is the best policy, if it's not a good fit, just being upfront and honest, might not be the easiest, but at the end of the day, it's what's best to share with that engaged couple.

Sharon Rumsey  16:46  

Yeah, I think you just need to have honest expectations, clear discussions, it's just like when we talked about setting a budget, if the if all of these discussions are had at the beginning, and they're had up front, then you don't have to worry about hurting someone's feelings later.

Kristina Stubblefield  17:02  

Well, and I think, Sharon, you've laid that out really well. We've talked about this before communication. I mean, that's what it really boils down to right is just that open line of communication.

Sharon Rumsey  17:14  

I would much rather a friend Tell me, I really want you to do this. Here's how much it's going to cost. Here's the time that's going to be involved. How do you feel about that? Instead of just I want you to be a bridesmaid. And then I find out six months later that I'm in for $2,000 and a plane ticket. And, you know,

Michael Gaddie  17:32  

well another thing that comes up quite often every time I'm doing one of my consultation, it's about the green ring, bear and the flower girl. And they say, you know some of my couples say, well, we're looking for someone to do that. We're trying to figure out who that's going to be, you know, really, if you have to figure it out or think about it or you know, think about who you're going to ask, don't feel like you have to have that was in your wedding because that's not necessary, especially along. Today, most, a lot of weddings are just adults only. So then you have your kids in the wedding or a niece or a nephew in the wedding. And then that's kind of weird also with talking among other people that's coming because they want to bring their kids but you've told her by they can't bring their kids. So if that happens, you should have a room or something for a babysitter to stay with those kids. But don't feel like you have to have a child in your way.

Sharon Rumsey  18:29  

I've done that quite often. And it's honestly all in how it's worded. So, you know, you don't want to say hey, I want your kids to be in my wedding. But I absolutely don't want to put up with them at my reception. They're gonna drive me nuts. What you want to say is, you know, I would love to have them in the wedding. But I really want you know, you and your husband, you and your wife to enjoy an adult evening, you know where you can really enjoy yourselves with us. So we have provided childcare for them after the wedding. So it's it's all in how it's worded. And people will accept it better than you think.

Kristina Stubblefield  19:06  

Can I ask something in brothers and sisters?

Sharon Rumsey  19:12  

of the couple? Yes.

Kristina Stubblefield  19:13  

I feel like is it if you have a really close relationship? What how does that go about? I know I'm not really asking the question. Do you know what I'm talking about? My

Michael Gaddie  19:24  

I do? I mean, if you are if you have a close relationship with your brother or sister that's that's totally acceptable to ask them to be in your wedding.

Unknown Speaker  19:34  

So not automatic, but not automatically.

Michael Gaddie  19:36  

I mean, I've got good friends that has, you know, brothers that are not close to them and they are they asked him to be an usher over a groomsmen but you know that's another thing when those like mom, mom's telling you, yes, you should have your brother in the wedding but you don't see your brother once a year. You know, don't feel like you have to just because he's your brother or your sister don't

Sharon Rumsey  19:58  

I will say While I agree with you, Mike, you kind of got a, this is a fine line because your friends from college, your, you know, roommate, that kind of stuff, those relationships may come and go, but your siblings are your siblings, and they're your siblings forever. So I would say, lean toward including them. And less, there's a reason not to unless there's something in that relationship, where you know, you're not gonna feel supported and loved on that day by that person.

Kristina Stubblefield  20:34  

You know what I think both of your answers are great, because there's actuation is different.

Sharon Rumsey  20:42  

Every situation, I have had weddings where one sibling was in the bridal party, and another sibling was not, and it's because the relationship was not what you would typically think of a sibling relationship being, but you just, you know, err on the side of, of, yes. Unless there's a reason.

Kristina Stubblefield  20:59  

You know, the other thing too, is we've said this in other episodes, there's no rules. It's your role. In every wedding, every wedding party, they're going to go off of something different. So they need to go, um, what I'm hearing you all say is what's the best fit for them in their situation?

Sharon Rumsey  21:20  

Right? Absolutely. You have to, you know, just really search each each member of the couple needs to just really search their heart and decide who's important to them. But once you get that list narrowed down, and once you decide, there's so much fun to be had, and it's like, you know, usually the year of hanging out with these people. And you know, I love a good bridal party proposal. I

Kristina Stubblefield  21:43  

knew Mike, I knew she was waiting for this subject. Could you see your face light up as she was getting ready to talk

Michael Gaddie  21:48  

about it smiling over there?

Sharon Rumsey  21:50  

I do. I love the stories behind their proposal. You love

Kristina Stubblefield  21:53  

all things, events, and it's kind of like a little mini event as a proposal.

Sharon Rumsey  21:59  

Yeah, it's gotten so creative. I mean, I know you're a little younger than me, Christina. But back when I got married, you know, the first time you just ask somebody, that's me, too, you might call them you might ask them, you know, when you're over at their house or something, but now, you know, a lot of my my couples, especially My Brides, they put together proposal boxes. And there might be you know, a cup in there that says bridesmaid or, or something. And there's always a little poem about john standing up with them on their wedding day. And I just think it's so cool. And when we do photography, I always like to get one of those boxes if I can. So we can tell the whole story of that wedding and have the photographer sheet The very first thing

Michael Gaddie  22:43  

and the one thing too, you know, when we're talking about bride and bridesmaids doing that the groom is getting involved, too. I mean, we did this one recently where the groom gave boxes to the guys, and there was like a little shot glass in there and the little flask of something. But then it also had a tie in the box. And it had a little note helped me tie the knot. But that was a really cute,

Kristina Stubblefield  23:05  

you know, I'll be honest with you, I did this when Josh and I got married. I did baskets is how I did it, and tried to incorporate something meaningful. Because the at that time, they didn't know that they were going to be asked, and just kind of completely caught them off guard. And I've just look and see if I can dig up something. But I know that Sharon, you've been part of Mike, you have to have recent weddings that I'm sure we could find some pictures to share. For those listeners out there that may have never even thought about this or seen it before.

Sharon Rumsey  23:38  

I had an adorable couple. And the whole theme. They had a theme for the wedding, of course, which was your normal, you know, classic romantic, but they had a theme for their bridal party. And it wasn't tying the knot it was tie dyeing the knot. So, they had there was a tie dyed t shirt and a tie dye cup in the proposal box the bachelorette party was she's tying dyeing the knot and they all wore tie dye t shirts. That's really good. I'll try to find some pictures. It was really really cute.

Kristina Stubblefield  24:13  

That's what I really like about these stories is your creative mind can run wild and whatever you like, or however different you want to be. That's what I love hearing about these stories.

Michael Gaddie  24:23  

I've got to say this past two years, even with the pandemic going on. I have seen more brides do these special little events. I'm doing one this weekend. And I have to say it's Mel, Mandy and Alison. And they're doing this proposal little party. And I'm excited about it. And that's the third one that they have done.

Sharon Rumsey  24:48  

I would hang out with the wives anywhere any weekend. It's

Michael Gaddie  24:50  

crazy. Well,

Kristina Stubblefield  24:51  

I tell you what, I bet you will get some pictures. That tissues. Yes. Yeah, that would be great to include. Sharon, I know that we talk all the time. About this different stuff, but you talked about proposals. What about gifts? I know this is a question. Even people have said something to us about it. What is? Where do you start with those with your wedding party gifts,

Sharon Rumsey  25:15  

I get asked for help on this quite a bit. It's customary for the bride and the groom to give gifts to their bridal party. I get asked for suggestions on what to give. But what I get asked more than that is when do I give them I've seen anything from most brides give something to get ready in the day of I've seen robes. I've seen matching pajamas, I've seen flannel shirts. I've seen just white Oxford cloth shirts, you know monogram with their names. So usually something to get ready. And they usually give them the jewelry they want them to wear on wedding day. And then for the guys that usually socks, if they're gonna wear suspenders, it's suspenders. Here, you know, once again, we're from Kentucky, so there's usually bourbon. And sometimes there's a cigar butt, a lot of couples don't know when to give the gift. And it used to be you always gave those things out at rehearsal dinner. But I'm seeing more and more that My Brides give them out right before we start getting ready into hair and makeup on wedding day.

Michael Gaddie  26:30  

So let's make this clear, because we've talked about two different gift giving deals here. So when you ask when they proposal party, or when they ask the bridesmaids or groomsmen to be a part of it, you give a gift, then that's popular now. And then the day of the wedding or the day before the wedding, you give another gift, almost like saying thank you for being here.

Sharon Rumsey  26:54  

And when you're talking again about that wedding budget, think about that. Do you want to buy five gifts? Or do you want?

Kristina Stubblefield  27:02  

Well, and also you they have invested in your special day. And I think as you all said, it's really a thank you not only for showing up not only for pitching in, or holding up your responsibility, and if you want to word it that way. But just genuinely thank you for being here and sharing this day with me and your bridal party, too, you know, they're always included in your rehearsal dinner. And that's usually a very nice dinner, most of the time they get to bring their significant others,

Sharon Rumsey  27:32  

they get that special spot at the reception. If If a couple chooses to do a head table or kings table, then they get that special seat of honor at the reception. So there's a lot, there's a lot to it. And you want to recognize those people that have been such a special part of your life. And you're you're getting to that point, and

Michael Gaddie  27:50  

you're going to remember this for a long time. So when it comes to picking your squad, I mean going I mean, I know we've given a lot of information on how to or not to, or don't choose this or choose this person. But it's you got to think about it's a really important day, and you want to pick the people that's going to help it be as smooth as possible.

Sharon Rumsey  28:10  

Yeah, and you want to think too, you know, what, I'm 55 years old, and I look at my wedding pictures. Are the people in these pictures still going to be in my life? Are they still going to be what I call a major player in my life?

Michael Gaddie  28:26  

You know, when when I was younger, and that was 30 years ago, when we when you know you go through a stage in life where everybody's getting married in your age group. And it seems like what payment I both was in weddings over and over and over. And I'll be honest with you, and they were in our weddings, and we did exactly Well, we were in there, right, us being nervous. And it was just kind of a big thing. And we don't speak to that right now. And I hate that. You know, it's

Sharon Rumsey  28:49  

not that anything, there was a major falling out or anything. Life just ebbs and wild changes.

Michael Gaddie  28:54  

But it makes me stop and think that you know what, maybe I should reach out to those people. Hey, how you doing? You won't go get a drink? Yeah,

Kristina Stubblefield  29:02  

yeah, he should. This has been great. And I think people will find this information. Just like our past episodes, we hear from people that give us feedback or that it was beneficial. And I think this is one that's going to bring to light some things. But remember, these are our opinions, our opinions, and our takes on some of this. There are no rules. You can do your event how you want. But these are trends. These are things that you're seeing happen. And just a conversation about your your squad and them supporting you and in turn you supporting them. So thanks everybody for tuning in. And we hope that you will take just a few minutes to visit our website or your favorite podcast platform to write us a review. My chair and I think this has been great and we can't wait to hear your feedback. So until next time, everyone stay safe and happy wedding planning.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the ring, doubling and all the things. If you like what you heard, make sure to hit the subscribe button to get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, the ring, the bling and all the things calm for past episodes, and make sure to connect with us on social media. If you would like to help us get the word out about this podcast, make sure to share with your family, your friends and anyone you know in the wedding business.

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