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Feb. 1, 2023

Benefits Of Keeping Wedding Details Private

Kristina Stubblefield, Michael Gaddie, and Sharon Rumsey discussed the importance of not sharing all of one's wedding planning immediately after getting engaged. Sharon explained that while it's great to share the news with family and close friends, it is better to not make a big announcement in places such as work. This is because until wedding planning begins, the guest list is uncertain, and people may think they are invited when they may not be. Furthermore, everyone will have an opinion and this can add to the stress and overwhelm that comes with planning a wedding. The trio advised that wedding planning should be fun, rather than a source of anxiety.
 The trio discussed how to enjoy the process of wedding planning and not let it become overwhelming. They suggested that when people ask about the details of the wedding, couples should smile a lot and talk less, saying that they're still working on the details and figuring things out.
 Sharon Rumsey and Michael Gaddie discussed the importance of tempering out details when planning a wedding. They advised that it is important to limit the number of people who accompany the couple to try on wedding attire and make other wedding decisions. Sharon noted that it can be helpful to bring a friend or family member for support, but it is important to remember that the wedding should be about the couple's vision and not about what other people may want. 

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Kristina Stubblefield

Michael Gaddie

Sharon Rumsey

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[00:00:00] Kristina Stubblefield: Thanks for tuning in to another episode of The Ring The Bling and All The Things. I'm here with my good friends, Michael Gaddie and Sharon Rumsey. Okay, Sharon, today's topic is... 

[00:00:13] Sharon Rumsey: One I'm pretty passionate about.

[00:00:15] I wanna talk about not sharing all your wedding plans immediately when you get engaged, 

[00:00:21] Kristina Stubblefield: but I'm excited. I can't share. 

[00:00:23] Sharon Rumsey: Well, you can share , but we're gonna share wisely. 

[00:00:28] Kristina Stubblefield: Ooh, Mike, that sounds pretty intense. 

[00:00:31] Michael Gaddie: Well, it is intense, but it's the truth. So let's get right into it. 

[00:00:35] Sharon Rumsey: So I am really lucky that I'm usually one of the first people that a couple talks to when they get engaged and one of the things that I would really encourage them to do when you get that ring, you're so excited and you wanna tell, of course, your parents and your friends, your closest friends, but maybe don't go into the office and you're gonna wear your ring, but maybe not make a big announcement in the break room about starting wedding planning.

[00:01:04] Maybe not go to your bowling league and make a big announcement about your wedding planning for several reasons. First of all, until you start planning, you aren't sure what that guest list is gonna be. So if I'm your coworker and you start talking about your wedding planning, I'm gonna think I'm invited.

[00:01:22] Maybe I'm not gonna be able to be invited. Also, everyone is gonna have an opinion and, you're gonna feel a little bit overwhelmed as you begin wedding planning. Mike and I see it all the time. They're overwhelmed, they're stressed out. So I think everybody in your ear just adds to that overwhelm and that stress.

[00:01:45] And I want wedding planning to be fun. I want this journey to be fun. So yes, you're gonna have your ring on. People are gonna know you're engaged, but my belief is let's not, you know when people say, what are you planning? Or they ask you questions, just. Smile a lot, talk a little less, say we're still working on details, we're still figuring things out, and let that simmer until you get some things checked off.

[00:02:10] Kristina Stubblefield: Mike, one of the things that she just said, and I know you've got a lot to say about it, but the water cooler moments, you're super excited, you're engaged. You may have picked out your venue. But the other side of that, and even recently, we all heard a lot of this, you get engaged, you possibly go to wedding shows or do your research online.

[00:02:31] That is one side that's very overwhelming, but then you're excited to share and then here comes another side of possibly overwhelm. 

[00:02:39] Michael Gaddie: Well, and the thing about it is, yes, you are excited, but you know, everybody has an opinion. Everybody wants to be involved. , everybody wants to be right there for you, but until you come down with the details such as budget, you don't know how many guests you're gonna be able to forward, right?

[00:02:59] Just because your coworker, that doesn't mean they're invited, like you said. You know, when it comes to even coming to plan flowers, you don't really need to bring your whole entourage. Because every girl, every woman, whatever it may be, has a different opinion and that's just gonna confuse you.

[00:03:21] You know, first, yes, you want to come up with your floral ideas and see what you want, but the other, her made of honor may hate that. Right? But that should not block your string stream of looking at your wedding because somebody else doesn't like what they're, what you're doing. 

[00:03:36] Sharon Rumsey: Well, and I also like you just brought to mind. One of the first things a lot of my couples do is they go get their wedding dress. You know, I always tell 'em nine to 10 months out, let's get that dress cuz we're gonna build a lot of things, including florals from the dress. So if you take, all these people with you to look for a wedding, dress, anything that's subjective, florals, dresses, suits.

[00:03:59] I know you guys sell suits in your shop. I think too many opinions can really dilute that experience and take some of the joy away. 

[00:04:09] Michael Gaddie: And it's not about what your bridesmaids want or what they don't want. It's your vision, right? That needs to come true that day. And it just, one thing, I think this is a perfect topic because we want this day to be as smooth as possible, but, you don't need all those other interactions that's gonna help you not do this and not do this.

[00:04:30] Now I've got brides that come that don't have a clue. Yeah. You may want to bring one person to help you because I mean, that's where your wedding planner comes in. When you bring brides to me, either they know what they want or they don't know what they want, and we're gonna help 'em, but we're gonna help them and we're gonna help you figure out what you do want.

[00:04:49] Sharon Rumsey: And of course, I'm not saying not to share these times with your parents. Maybe your best, best friends. I know I've got a best friend. She's been my best friend since eighth. Of course I wouldn't want her there with me, but I'm just saying not everyone I know. When I got engaged and we were planning our wedding, I was not a wedding planner then.

[00:05:10] And I made the mistake of just hanging a invitation up in our break room and putting, a sign up and someone literally, I'm not kidding, they are RSVP'd for themselves and 11 people . What do you do? You've hung it up. So what did I do? I bought people I didn't know dinner. So I think it's just really important to temper out those details as they come.

[00:05:34] Michael Gaddie: Well, it's very important because actually if he RSVP for 11 people, how many of those 11 people really showed up? Two. So you have spent that money that you didn't really even have to worry with. So that's when you have to think about what you're doing 

[00:05:48] Kristina Stubblefield: and then here goes Kristina about the whole mindset thing.

[00:05:53] You've probably added additional stress to already a stressful situation. It's supposed to be a fun time. You're planning and all this, but 11 people, and we've talked about this many times before, 11 people is not just 11 plates of food. Oh no. It's potentially another table or two, decorations, linens, etc.

[00:06:14] Can we keep going? 

[00:06:15] Sharon Rumsey: Yeah. Chargers, place cards. Yes. It adds up. 

[00:06:19] Kristina Stubblefield: And I think us talking about these topics can just start your own mind turning. Oh, I do work at a big company. I hadn't thought about that. I do eat lunch with a large group of people, or I do have a big circle of friends who should go with me to some of these appointments or things like that.

[00:06:43] The stuff that you all just said, I'm over here thinking I hadn't even really thought of that. But once you're already in those situations, like Sharon mentioned, how the heck do you backtrack? Right? You can after you've already posted the invite. 

[00:06:56] Michael Gaddie: But the thing about it is you're excited. And you want to tell the world. And we're just here to tell you, to give you that little bit of advice to just take a beat, take a beat, take a breath, and 

[00:07:08] Kristina Stubblefield: Sharon's favorite word. I love it. Take a beat 

[00:07:10] Michael Gaddie: and, and just soak it all in and it's all gonna come together. You're gonna have the people there that you want and not want like we said with the 11. And just have fun with it. 

[00:07:24] Kristina Stubblefield: It's your day. You all as a couple need to make the decisions of who's spending this special day with you. Since we've been doing this podcast, I've just really went back and thought about weddings that I attended and things that we've talked about. You get lists of parents' friends and family friends that have been around for umpteen years and things.

[00:07:47] How do you just, where do you draw the line and things like that. And I think this is very similar about where do you draw the line with how much to share and just giving yourself that space to get some things together. 

[00:08:00] Sharon Rumsey: I think it's gonna come out in little bits and pieces.

[00:08:02] I think initially every, I literally have had some of my couples tell me, you know, we literally went to show someone our ring and they wanted to know what the colors were, where the venue was. And I just think meet with your wedding planner, let's start checking some things off. And they're excited for you and that's great. We don't want to we don't wanna be rude about that, but just say, we're still working things out. Or we've hired a wedding planner, we'll pass details along as they come. That kind of thing to just kind of buy yourself some time to see where you are.

[00:08:33] Kristina Stubblefield: So Sharon, this makes me think about, are couples wanting to keep some of that stuff private? about how the reception's gonna unfold or parts of their ceremony. So it's kind of a surprise or not. 

[00:08:46] Sharon Rumsey: Some couples really do want the surprise, but from a practical planning standpoint, I just don't want people to think they're invited, that aren't invited. 

[00:08:54] Kristina Stubblefield: Yeah. It just made me think about that I feel like I've heard people want little special things to go on, I'm sure with their ceremonies or the receptions, but they don't, maybe don't anyone share it with their parents. 

[00:09:03] Sharon Rumsey: we don't spill all our secrets ever. 

[00:09:06] Kristina Stubblefield: So it's okay not to do that. So it is okay to keep some things to yourself. 

[00:09:11] Michael Gaddie: I'm actually, you can keep a lot to yourself. Yeah. Until the day of, I mean, yes, you're gonna send out an invitation. Hopefully everybody will show up that you want to be there and you want it to be a grand entrance. You want to be able to celebrate that day with people that you want to be there.

[00:09:26] Sharon Rumsey: Yeah. We've done a lot of special. That we don't tell anyone about that. Just like myself and the couple knows, I had a groom I'll never forget this guy. His mom always sang that You've Got a Friend In Me Song from Toy Story to him growing up. He went in an actual recording studio and he recorded that song and she thought she had selected their first dance but we had the DJ play his recording of that song as a surprise to her. I love throwing those little moments in that. 

[00:09:58] Michael Gaddie: That was the mother matter. 

[00:09:59] Sharon Rumsey: The mother, the son recorded the song for his mom. 

[00:10:03] Kristina Stubblefield: Oh my gosh. Because it didn't always special. 

[00:10:05] Michael Gaddie: My Pam would go nuts. 

[00:10:07] Sharon Rumsey: Oh, I was, I've got two boys. I was over there bawling. So yeah, I think there's, surprises that can be really special 

[00:10:16] Kristina Stubblefield: and sometimes probably hard to keep without people finding out and maneuvering through getting arranged. 

[00:10:22] Sharon Rumsey: I come from a healthcare background where everything was confidential information, and I don't treat wedding planning any different, so I'll never tell your budget. I'll never tell your surprises. I'll never tell what in-laws can't set by what in-laws. 

[00:10:35] Kristina Stubblefield: Well, this also makes me think of, you've had some friends, quite a few of 'em, that run in the same circle that were getting married kind of close together, but we're still trying to do unique things because they have a lot of the same friends.

[00:10:49] Michael Gaddie: Well, that is the truth. I mean, last year we did, we did like, or four people party from the same bridal party, and every one of those was totally different. 

[00:10:59] Sharon Rumsey: Such a great group of friends, they all supported one another and wanted for the other to have their day. 

[00:11:05] Michael Gaddie: And it's not that they, and you didn't get that feeling of, oh, I've gotta outdo her. It was nothing like that across the board. I thought that was great. 

[00:11:12] Sharon Rumsey: And I actually have a current client who's a member of that same friend group, that Mike and I will be doing in 2024. And I just love it, those relationships that go on and on. 

[00:11:22] Kristina Stubblefield: I remember you saying to me how much that group of friends respected each other and that was key I feel like.

[00:11:30] Michael Gaddie: And they've all stuck together. 

[00:11:32] Sharon Rumsey: It's the biggest compliment to us when they've seen you do a wedding. and they come out and want you to do theirs.

[00:11:39] Michael Gaddie: That's the biggest form of advertising for me. You know, doing one wedding and then I'm doing the next bridesmaids wedding. And the next one, and the next one, and the next one. That's, that's a big accomplishment for me. 

[00:11:47] Kristina Stubblefield: I was having a conversation with another wedding vendor recently, and we were talking about going through life from doing even senior pictures, and then engagement, wedding, family, just talking about that and , being able to be there throughout those journeys of a client's life.

[00:12:08] Sharon Rumsey: I'm to the point now where I've been in the business long enough that I'm asked to plan some baby showers, and that's super fun that I get to come back to my couples and celebrate again with them. 

[00:12:18] Michael Gaddie: Well, it's amazing how we've become close. So many people over the years. I know me and you have been working together for a couple years and the relationships that I have formed with moms and brides. And even some of the grooms, it's crazy. I love it. 

[00:12:36] Sharon Rumsey: That's the best part. 

[00:12:37] Kristina Stubblefield: Well, when you talk about a topic like this, if somebody just sees this topic and doesn't necessarily listen to what we've shared about it, it can be like, wait a second, are you really trying to dampen the excitement of this? Absolutely not. 

[00:12:52] Michael Gaddie: We're not doing that at all. 

[00:12:53] Sharon Rumsey: I'm trying to protect the excitement of this. I'm trying not to let it get ruined by opinions and hurt feelings. 

[00:13:03] Michael Gaddie: It's like I said earlier, it's an exciting time.

[00:13:06] but by keeping this in mind, this topic that we're talking about, it keeps you in contact with yourself and not blowing up and getting everybody involved. Your head spinning because the more people that you have coming at you, it's gonna be like a tornado just spinning out of control.

[00:13:25] Kristina Stubblefield: Excellent, Michael. Excellent. One of the biggest missions we set out when we started doing this podcast was education, resources and information. A lot of times people have not been through this before, so this topic we're talking about, it only is going to present a problem after they've been down this road and if they can hear this message. Oh, this is why I kind of should hold a little bit of this in. That's what we're trying to do is just really share something before you're dealing with it. 

[00:13:57] Sharon Rumsey: A lot of couples get engaged over the holidays, and I just spoke with a client recently. She got engaged at Thanksgiving, so when they went to Christmas, she said, my whole family's there and they're asking me, when's the date and what venue and what colors? And she said, I just wanted to go. I just got a ring... And, that's what we're trying to protect. 

[00:14:19] Kristina Stubblefield: Well, and that probably, I hate to use the word "took away from", but that was probably a lot coming at her and them as a couple on a holiday, a special family time of get together.

[00:14:34] So I think this is a really powerful message, although it could be very simple. I think it's really important to share this. 

[00:14:45] Michael Gaddie: Well, I think one thing too is, Sharon and I have been in this business for quite some time. We have seen it. We have seen things happen.

[00:14:54] We have seen things happen over the years and that's why we are here to help educate our listeners to make that day more enjoyable. 

[00:15:04] Sharon Rumsey: And I think sometimes, and we talk on this podcast all the time, anybody that's been listening, about hiring professional wedding vendors. I know my role a lot of the time is to be that neutral third party that kind of always keeping my client first in my mind, but in a very nice professional way, can temper some of these opinions and if a wedding planner's not in your budget or not something you want, I've seen Mike do it.

[00:15:31] I've seen Mike in his very kind Mike way. stay true to what he knows that bride setting across from him wants when there's four people at that table that all have a different opinion. So again, bringing in those professionals who can be your advocate and kind of takes honestly some of the heat off you like.

[00:15:50] Yeah. I tell my brides all the time, say your wedding planner said that's how he had to do it. Exactly. The heat's off. 

[00:15:55] Kristina Stubblefield: Well, this has been a great topic and we hope that you all will stay with us for additional episodes. We've recorded a lot of episodes. You can go back and listen to past episodes or even watch some of them on YouTube.

[00:16:12] If you haven't already subscribed on your favorite podcast platform, please do. If you prefer to watch it in video format, you can always go to the website or watch on YouTube. So thank you so much for tuning in and if you wanna share feedback with us, we we're happy to get it. Just go to our website, you can either click the record button to send us a message.

[00:16:36] Sharon Rumsey: And make sure that you leave us a lovely five star review. They make me so happy. 

[00:16:41] Kristina Stubblefield: Oh, she changed the wording. 

[00:16:42] Michael Gaddie: It should be glowing five star review. 

[00:16:45] Sharon Rumsey: Glowing five star review. 

[00:16:48] Kristina Stubblefield: All right everybody, until next time, see ya.